41 Funny Christmas Instagram Captions That Aren’t Just Mariah Carey Lyrics

“I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.”

by Chelsey Grasso
Originally Published: 
A group of friends dressed up for Christmas toast in a bar during SantaCon.

Trying to think up a funny Christmas Instagram caption that will have your followers laughing out loud this holiday season? While a great photo will get you some major likes on Instagram, a great caption will get you even more. Forget the hashtags and filters — let your captioning do all the work this December.

You'll find a wide variety of quotes below from Tina Fey, The Office, Dr. Seuss, and more. You'll discover lines that make fun of the excessiveness of Christmas, ones that question Santa's ability to judge people, and ones that poke fun at the high levels of consumerism happening during the holiday season. No matter what your opinion of Christmas is, chances are there's a quote below that sums up your feelings with a hint of humor.

Whether Christmas is your favorite season or one that you absolutely cannot stand, enjoy a nice, long read through these hilarious caption ideas for your Instagram account. You take the photo, let the authors of these funny quotes do the captioning.

1. "Oh my God! Santa, here? I know him! I know him!" — Buddy the Elf, Elf

2. "We're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas." — Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

3. “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.” — Santa Claus, A Christmas Story

4. “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White

5. “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Bridger Winegar

6. "Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time." — Michael Scott, The Office

7. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” — Winston Spear

8. "Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip." — Gary Allen

9. “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld

10. "Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard

11. "First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie-dough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle." — Buddy the Elf, Elf

12. "Went to the store/Sat on Santa's lap/Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap." — "The Christmas Song", Friends

13. “The name is Bond … Santa Bond. I’ll have an eggnog, shaken, not stirred.” — Michael Scott, The Office

14. “Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.” — Erma Bombeck

15. "Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!" - Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

16. "All I want for Christmas is to finally fart so hard that my parents get back together." —Tig Notaro

17. "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!" — Home Alone

18. “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman

19. "You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately. They will be returned to you on January 4th." – Dwight Schrute, The Office

20. “The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: 'Some assembly required.'” — John Leo

21. "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."— Buddy the Elf, Elf

22. "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?" - Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

23. "I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled." — Michael Scott, The Office

24. "You know, I think this Christmas thing is not as tricky as it seems!" — Jack Skellington, Nightmare Before Christmas

25. "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here." — Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

26. "Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.'" — Michael Scott, The Office

27. "You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas." — Kevin McCallister, Home Alone 2

28. "The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath." — Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

29. "You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card." — Buddy the Elf, Elf

30. "There are downsides to a Christmas tree catching fire, but I will say it seems like an effective way to fill your home with a holiday scent." — Bridger Winegar

31. "Deck the halls with crappy gifts." — Michael Scott, The Office

32. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz

33. "You don’t smell like Santa.” — Buddy the Elf, Elf

34. "What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” — Dr. Seuss

35. “Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry

36. “ I don't consider it a real Christmas dinner unless someone leaves the table sobbing, "Well, MERRY CHRISTMAS"”— Bridger Winegar

37. "Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log." — Ellen Degeneres

38. “I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” Ellen Griswold, Christmas Vacation

39. "Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame." — Michael Scott, The Office

40. "I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did — traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.” — Tina Fey

41. "I throw a Christmas party at my house. It's not really a Christmas party, because I don't want to call it a Christmas party. But let's just say I put a lot of Christmas trees around the house, so it smells good." — Bill Murray

Additional reporting by Mia Mercado.

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