The Groomzilla Rears His Head

June*, 31, first noticed something was up when her husband received an elaborate groomsman package in the mail.

She’d been familiar with the custom T-shirts and koozies from his bachelor parties past, but this was something different. The package contained multiple items, including a pocket square matching the wedding’s color scheme, a faux-leather duffel bag monogrammed with her husband’s initials, and a card that read, “Will you be my groomsman?” in gilt lettering.

“On the one hand, if this is combating the male loneliness crisis or whatever, that's good. I want men to love each other and be connected,” says June. “I just do think it’s funny that they looked at the wedding industrial complex and the insanity around bachelorette parties, and were like, ‘Yes, I'll have that.’”

There’s certainly demand for grooms who are (over)-eager to commit to the bit: Just peruse groomsmen’s gifts on Etsy, and you’ll find a sea of monogrammed bags, engraved watches, and etched knives. A company called Groovy Groomsmen Gifts is devoted to this market, selling customizable products like a wooden gift box printed with the message, “I couldn’t get married without you standing by my side. Will you be my groomsman?”

The groomsman package glow-up is just one ripple — a fairly benign one, at that — in a changing tide of groom behavior and identity. Traditionally, the inclination for being particular and demanding about your nuptials, to the point of alienating members of your wedding party — and really anyone around you — was exclusively seen in the “bridezilla”, a derogatory portmanteau of “bride” and “Godzilla.” Now, as men grow more invested in wedding planning, some are also taking on the role of detail-obsessed, egotistical perfectionists, ready to steamroll anyone who stands in the way of their carefully-curated, vision-boarded Special Day. Enter: the groomzilla.

When a groom’s investment manifests in controlling, aggro behavior — well, then we’ve created a monster.

On subreddits like r/weddingshaming, you’ll find viral posts in which users vent about or seek advice on managing the groomzillas in their lives, like the groom who demanded his groomsmen spend more than $4,000 on an elaborate, multi-day bachelor party, or the guy who insulted his bride’s appearance during the first look, commenting that her makeup and manicure didn’t look good and that her gray hairs “stood out.” Over on r/bridezilla, one post spells out all the ways a woman’s fiancé actually out zilla’d her — reviewing and approving every placecard, centerpiece, and decoration himself, in addition to requiring he and his bride learn the Charleston (and perform it) and hand-roll 75 chocolate cigars to give guests in custom bands and cigar boxes.

The rise of the groomzilla is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, when a groom’s investment manifests in controlling, aggro behavior — well, then we’ve created a monster. On the other, it feels like progress that hetero men are finally helping shoulder the labor of planning nuptials.

Amy Shack Egan, owner of the wedding planning company Modern Rebel and the founder and CEO of Cheersy, which provides booking for same-day wedding coordinators, says it’s endearing to see grooms take on a more involved role. “Maybe they’re really excited about the band, or the balloon installation, or going to the rental showroom and picking out plates and glassware,” she says. “You might think they don’t care about this at all, but actually they have fun and enjoy it.”

And in 2025, why shouldn’t grooms take an interest in wedding planning — if not an equal or greater role? In “I Am Groomzilla”, a GQ article published way back in 2015, Zach Baron explained how a man might be surprised by his own interest in decisions that tend to fall to the bride: “I care about table settings, family-style dinner service, centerpieces, the quality and shape of the shuttle bus that will be required to move our drunken friends and family from place to place,” Baron wrote. “Until a few months ago, I had no idea any of these things might matter to me. But they do … I feel like men have been missing out, honestly.”

Sometimes, a groom’s interest can help compensate for a bride’s relative disinterest — as was the case for Paris Hilton, which was documented in her 2021 reality series Paris in Love. The heiress didn’t much mind when her fiance, Carter Reum, became obsessed with every decision, while she took a more blasé stance. (The contrast between the two did provide for comedic fodder, with Hilton jokingly referring to Reum as a groomzilla).

But Egan has seen the dark side of this heightened investment, too — for example, in the form of grooms sending aggressive emails. “I’ll never forget, one time we sent over a tipping cheat sheet, and [the groom] responded, ‘I will decide who is worthy,’” Egan recalls. “Karen” tendencies aside, this behavior amounted to a bit of a double standard, according to Egan. “It would be really hard, I think, for a woman to get away with writing the same email,” she said.

When the groom goes on a power trip, anyone who finds themselves in his path could end up bearing his wrath. Chris* was working in an artisanal chocolate shop when one such groom came in holding a massive binder, inquiring about pickup for a large order of custom-made chocolate bars and wrappers for his wedding party.

Except, he’d never actually placed the order, so there was nothing to pick up. “He screamed at three managers in the middle of the shop and refused to step to the side,” says Chris. “He kept yelling ‘IT’S IN THE BINDER. IT’S IN THE BINDER.’” Instead, all the binder contained was his own handwritten note proposing the idea—without any order sheet or receipt.

“He refused to believe we hadn’t f*cked up and that it was actually his mistake,” says Chris.

Management offered to do a rush job, but he refused to budge from his vision. “We declined to serve him.”

The recent “cake smashing” trend on TikTok highlights another entitled and disturbing development in groomzilla behavior. The cutesy tradition in which the bride and groom feed each other bites of wedding cake has devolved into videos showing grooms violently smearing cake in their brides’ faces, largely without their consent, to the tune of millions of views. Essentially, grooms are choosing to be the main character — albeit, a villain! — over concern and care for their bride’s wishes. Not exactly a great precedent for a lifelong union.

Friendships can be tested by groomzilla behavior, too. That’s what happened to Liam*, 33, and his childhood friend, Brian*. It started at a tense Vegas bachelor party, which resulted in Brian disinviting a groomsman from the wedding party, citing a Notes app list of grievances — including that the groomsman offered Brian a (non-psychoactive) CBD gummy to help his hangover, even though Brian stays away from marijuana. On the big day, it was even worse.

“The morning of, he told us, ‘Don't be looking around and taking it in. I want your eyes on me the whole ceremony,’” Liam says. Apparently, Brian was satisfied with their performance — until after the ceremony. Some groomsmen helped themselves to hors d’oeuvres during a 20-minute wait for the photographer, and Brian had a meltdown when he saw that they weren’t seated in the meeting place. “He took someone's tuxedo jacket hanging on the back of a chair and threw it on the ground, screaming, ‘You do not think, you do not make decisions, you’re here for one thing!’” says Liam.

“It was his day, and he got to be the king,” says Liam. “That's what it meant to him.” (You know what they say about absolute power…) Liam is still in touch with Brian, because their families are close and he wants to keep the connection. But every now and then, he sees glimpses of Brian’s controlling tendencies and is reminded of the nightmare that was Groomzilla Brian.

Groomzilla Brian isn’t pretty. But his foil — the apathetic, negligent groom who leaves all the planning to his bride — is just as despicable. Somewhere in the middle, there’s a modern-day groom who cares deeply about, say, the font on the invitations but voices his opinions considerately to his fiance, his groomsmen, and the vendors. That, my dudes, is how you can really make your groomsmen happy — though the monogrammed leather tote is definitely a bonus.

*Names have been changed to respect the privacy of those involved with the weddings.