15 Little Things That Keep Your Friendships Alive Even When You’re Busy

“There’s a new season of America’s Sweethearts dropping soon. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” That was a text I received from my friend Brita. We met working in a grocery store in 2017, and our friendship remained close even as we have both moved on to new jobs and different cities.

During the Netflix series’ first season, we co-watched and live-texted each other our thoughts. We would watch a couple episodes on a weeknight and dish on the many antics of Kelli Finglass and remark on how we, as two sweaty gals, couldn’t imagine dancing with our hair down.

I only get to see Brita in person a few times a year, but I feel much closer to her because of this little tradition. If I’m watching a show, I might as well do it with one of my friends. I’m probably already on my phone anyway.

It’s incredibly difficult to maintain friendships when life gets busy, but there is so much value in keeping those relationships close. Below, psychologists, authors and several of my own friends shared how they stay in touch with their chosen family. Here are the top tips.

Send A Quick, Thoughtful Message

“My long-distance friends and I do a monthly Letterloop — a private newsletter app — to stay updated on everyone’s lives in a deeper and intentional way! I can’t recommend it enough. Mackenzie S., 26, Spartanburg, SC

“If you know your friend has something important happening that day, send them a quick ‘thinking about you’ message beforehand. It could be a presentation, difficult conversation, first day at a new job, or even a busy day they were dreading. A simple ‘good luck today’ takes seconds.” —Dr. Mindy DeSeta, PhD, LMHC, Miami

“My bestie and I both love Ride, Benito Skinner and Mary Beth Barone’s podcast. Recently, we’ve started randomly texting each other throughout the week what we’ve been riding for. The latest include overnight oats, getting your bra size measured, and moisturizing your feet before bed.” —Alexis M., 29, New York City

Voice Notes Are The New Norm

“There's something about hearing a friend's voice that is just so much nicer than a text and still lower effort than a phone call if you're on different schedules. Sometimes I'll just say ‘good morning, bestie, I miss you!’ while doing my makeup or ask them a litany of random questions to respond to when they have time.” Chelsea L., 34, Chicago

“I saw something online once called ‘Tuesday Tea’ where everyone sends voice notes to their group chat on Tuesday, so I try to remember to do it. And everyone loves it!” Danielle S., 45, Morris Plains, NJ

Sentimental Snail Mail

“I always send my friends a birthday card in the mail.” Katie C., 36, Denver, CO

“I love sending postcards to my friends when I go on trips.” Savannah M., 26, Plano, IL

Embrace The Little Treat Lifestyle

“I love to DoorDash my friends' favorite coffee order to their office when I know they’re having a stressful day.” Marvin M., 34, Chicago

Prioritize Relationships Accordingly

“I write down my friends for the ‘season’ on a Post-It note. Right now, I have one that says ‘Author Friends’ with five names on it for when I want to talk about my book or other book things. I can visually remind myself these are the people I can go to about this particular thing.” Anna Goldfarb, author of Modern Friendship, Philadelphia

Don’t Underestimate The Group Chat

“We share the best song from our daily discovery Spotify playlists every month.” Marnie S., 37, Chicago

“I have a group chat with my college dance troupe friends where we share our New York Times Connections results every day.” Kate C., 38, Nashville, TN

Mindful IRL Hangs

“Since we all exercise anyway, it’s easy to combine a workout with some face time. We like something fun and high energy like Fly Dance Fitness — it feels like a little party.” Eva A., 40, San Antonio, TX

“If you work from home, invite a friend who also works remotely to work alongside you for a few hours. You do not have to spend the entire time talking for it to feel like quality time.” — Dr. Mindy DeSeta, PhD, LMHC, Miami

“If we’re at dinner or something, we always make the next set of plans before we leave! We all say, ‘let’s do this again some time’, but if you really mean it, just get it on the calendar.” —Becca Y., 32, Chicago

"I like to plan incredibly niche theme nights with my two best friends. We have a semi-annual 'Rack City' dinner, where we make a rack of lamb while playing the Tyga song we listened to in college. Two of us are Jewish, so on the 13th anniversary of us when we all met, we did a Jewish food crawl as a 'bat mitzvah.' We don't need reasons to see each other, but making them up turns regular hangouts into something more memorable." —Hannah O., 33, New York

You’re Doing Amazing, Sweetie

If it feels difficult to stay connected to your friends, well, you’re correct. Life is busier than ever, and our friendships span cities, states and continents. “We used to make friends at our synagogue or church. We'd see them every week, and we wouldn’t have to come up with a place to meet or an activity,” says Goldfarb. “Now, we move around more. We have to make a case for continuing each friendship, and it’s exhausting. It is so much more work than any generation before.”

Believing that your friends care about you is the first step. “We can talk ourselves out of friendship a lot, and be like, they don't miss me,” says Goldfarb. “But I think it’s punk rock, to be like, No, I know they care — I’m leaving a voice note. Here's what's going on with me. I've been thinking about you. Let's connect soon.”

Now, your homework: send this story to one of your friends, and take it from there.

Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.