Upon Further Inspection

Can ChatGPT Write Better Valentine's Day Cards Than Actual Humans?

These results are... unfortunate.

by Ginny Hogan
Upon Further Inspection

You may think ChatGPT is going to take over the world, now that it’s clearly smarter than humans (a low bar, but still). Don’t fear, though — there are some things ChatGPT will never be able to do. Like write a believable Valentine’s Day card, for example. A friend of mine recently sent a ChatGPT-drafted breakup text, and honestly, it was better than any breakup texts I’d ever received: charming, considerate, and grammatically correct. Too considerate, in fact. The woman didn’t believe he’d written it — and he hadn't. As with breakups, so too with V-Day missives. ChatGPT simply isn’t up to the job. It’s too kind. Consider what it spits out compared to what my exes have sent via text.

For Our First Valentine’s Day Together:

ChatGPT: My sweetheart, on this our first Valentine's Day together, I want to express how grateful I am to have you in my life. You bring me so much happiness and joy, and I am looking forward to creating many more special moments with you. Happy Valentine's Day, I love you more with each passing day.

My ex: i don’t usually celebrate valentine’s day with new partners, but i guess we did meet 11 months ago. happy v-day babe

After Three Years:

ChatGPT: My love, on this Valentine's Day, I want you to know how much I cherish every moment we've shared in the past three years. You've brought so much joy, laughter, and comfort into my life. I am grateful for your love and support, and I look forward to spending many more years by your side. Happy Valentine's Day!

My ex: has it been three years already? time flies when you only deleted your hinge six months ago! happy v-day, and i promise i didn’t match with anyone you know personally, i don’t think

When They Don’t “Believe” In Valentine’s Day:

ChatGPT: My cherished flower, while I may not believe in the commercial aspect of Valentine's Day, I do believe in the love we share. You are the sunshine in my life and I am grateful for every moment we spend together. I want to take this opportunity to remind you of my affection and appreciation for you. Happy Valentine's Day, my heart belongs to you always.

My ex: if we really want to crush the capitalistic system, we should skip the fancy dinner and stay in and watch game of tones

My ex: *thrones, sry

If They’re Tight On Cash:

ChatGPT: Happy Valentine's Day, my dear! Although I may not be able to give you a grand gesture or expensive present this year, know that my love for you is beyond measure. I am grateful for your presence in my life and I am looking forward to sharing many more moments of love and laughter with you. You are the greatest treasure in my life and that's all that matters. Sending you all my love.

My ex: i got you a piece of candy my boss had on his desk

When They Forget About Valentine’s Day:

ChatGPT: My darling, I may have forgotten that today is Valentine's Day, but I never forget the love I have for you. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart. Thank you for being my partner, my friend, and my everything. Happy belated Valentine's Day! I love you more every day.

My ex: is today valentine’s? ok, i’ll be home at 9, i’ll try to swing by walgreens for a cupcake

When They Want To Break Up:

ChatGPT: As much as I care for you, milady, I have come to the realization that we are no longer right for each other. I am writing this card to let you know that I have decided to end our relationship. I hope that we can both find happiness and closure as we move forward. I wish you all the best.

My ex: sorry for doing this on valentine’s day. in my defense, until five minutes ago, i forgot it was valentine’s day