When Oprah, Queen of All That Is Good, speaks, it is but our civilian duty to listen. So, regardless of how you feel about the commercialized Christmas Creep or what have you, let us all rejoice and be glad for Oprah’s Favorite Things are available on Amazon, and some products are even affordable for those of us who don’t have media companies and magazines in our name. Everyone, look under your seat! Oprah has put some EXTRA WI-FI UNDER THERE So YOU CAN SHOP HER FAVORITE THINGS ONLINE! *screams festively in consumerism*
While Oprah’s Favorites—yes, favorites gets a capital “F” when you are Oprah—include a fairly robust list of gifts and goodies under $50, there are more than a handful of Favorite Things well out of most of our price ranges. For the sake of living vicariously through those with more disposable income, let us pursue a few of these pricier Favorites before diving into the items we can actually afford.
There are faux fur mitten for $78. They are worth it because the product description includes such details as “cozy and whimsical” the brand name is Glamorpuss. There is a $159 DNA test kit for your dog, which is worth it because feeling of saying “actually she’s 2 percent Havanese” is priceless. There are even fedoras! Oprah! Loves! FEDORAS!!! They are made in italy, 100 percent wool felt, and cost an inexplicable $110. What even is money?
Now, without further ado, Oprah’s Favorite Things $50 and Under. Surprisingly, the list isn’t just “two twenty dollar bills and, what I’m told is called, a ten.”
This gradient puzzle from Areaware is only $18 and comes in a variety of different colorful ombre designs. This gift is perfect for the puzzle lover in your life if for no reason other than it says, “Good luck putting together those rows of just solid green!” Is it a present or a curse? Who can say!
Do you like hot sauce but wish it was $17.98? Then TRUFF is for you. It’s hot sauced infused with black truffle, and it comes in a bottle that looks like fancy liquor or perfume or maybe both. This is perfect if you want to make all your other hot sauces feel inadequate.
Oprah also included a handful of affordable gifts to empower feminists of all ages. There are these Empowered bracelets by Maya J (available for $38) which will adorn your wrist with phrases like “fearless” and “inspired.” There are also a range of Love Bubby onesies which sport feminist phrases like “speaker of the house” and “little activist” and “always fierce.” Those are available for $26-28. There is also this gourmet bundt cake from We Take the Cake. Why is cake feminist? I mean, it’s not unless Tina Fey says so.
There are lots of Favorites under $50 perfect for gifting or treating yourself. For $38, you can sip your favorite cocktail out of this Glitterville rainbow glass tumbler. You can even sip through one of the Izola reusable stainless steel straws Oprah has included on her Favorites list. (Unfortunately, those are currently out of stock.) Whilst tipsy on Oprah-inspired power and non-Oprah affiliated alcohol, you can jot down your hopes and dreams in this Eccolo World Traveler notebook. According to Oprah, the notebooks “emblazoned with frown-erasing messages are just waiting for you to jot down everything from tiny musing to big dreams.” Or you could just doodle “Mrs. and Mrs. Oprah Winfrey” on every page.
No Oprah’s Favorites list would be complete without decadent and delicious food. If you’re in the holiday mood, you have chocolate and peppermint Hanukkah bark ($29.95) and Saint Nick-shaped cookies ($19) to choose from. If you’re looking to carbo-load, you can get on the waitlist for the currently unavailable Sabatino Truffles Pasta Night kit, which includes truffle zest and white truffle oil. Most of Oprah’s Favorite Things under $50 have some form of truffle in or on them.
Next, feast your eyes on Carl the Drinking Chocolate Snowman. Carl is basically a bath bomb of hot chocolate. In other worse, you can sip on a delicious cup of hot cocoa, melted from the REMAINS OF SNOWMAN CARL. Yes, you have to murder Carl in a pot of boiling milk.
RIP, Carl. You were one of Oprah’s favorites.