Life
If you've never had a period, there are just some things about it that hands down (uterus down?) you will never be able to understand. That hasn't stopped the internet from making a few educated guesses, though. That's what happened when one Redditor asked what men think period cramps feel like — and the answers ranged from comical to graphic and everything in between.
How does one explain period cramps? There is no comparable feeling, truly. But if you were to get run over by a semi and then beaten with a bag of bricks, that might come close. True, we can maybe give some men who don't have periods a bit of credit here — scan the pages of YouTube and you'll see many videos of guys experiencing something similar to period cramps through electrical stimulation — but they only have to experience the nightmare once to have a better understanding of what lives of people who have periods are like one week out of every single month.
And there's so much more than the pain itself. There's the fatigue, the emotional roller coaster, the ritualistic consumption of an entire Snickers bar and then living in the post-sugar existential fallout. There's the feeling of sneezing and hoping nothing horrible just happened in your pants, and the impending mountain range developing on your forehead due to out-of-control hormones and the family size bag of potato chips you just finished off.
If you don't get it, you just don't get it.
If nothing else, though, props for trying to imagine the pain we go through. Here's how guys picture period cramps, according to Reddit.
1
Diarrhea Cramps
The level of detail here is astounding but true. In fact, sometimes, really bad diarrhea cramps accompany really bad period cramps, because the universe must hate us or something.
2
Literal Period Cramps
Not exactly the answer we were going for, sir. This is not a time for jokes. Even funny ones.
3
Salmonella
According to CBS news, the signs of salmonella poisoning include nausea, diarrhea, abdominal pain, vomiting, and muscle pains — leaving me wondering how we don't confuse period cramps and salmonella because they sound EXACTLY THE SAME.
4
Being Stabbed
You forgot to add that the blade is dirty, and then the person who stabs us leaves it there for a few days just to make our lives a little worse.
5
Post-Thanksgiving Bloat
There are no food cramps quite like post-Thanksgiving food cramps. A thoughtful answer, yes — but does it measure up to period cramps? Debatable...
6
Running Cramps
"Worse than normal" is the important part here. In fact, just add "worse than normal" to answer of these answers, and it'll be closer to period cramps.
7
Colitis
Diarrhea and abdominal pain are symptoms of colitis, not unlike salmonella. Periods are fun!
8
The Kicks Of 100 Children
This one gets an A+ for creativity, although it's not that far off, either.
9
Chugging Too Much Water
If by "very dehydrated," you mean you didn't have even a sip of water for a week, and if by "very quickly," you mean in under a minute, and if by "stomach pains," you mean you were doubled over in unavoidable agony... then you would be correct.
10
Being Tapped In The Jewels
This wouldn't be the first time a guy likened period cramps to getting tapped in the privates. Now, try getting tapped in the privates once a month, and then we'll talk more.
11
Appendicitis
There must be an echo in here, because like salmonella, like colitis, appendicitis is also accompanied by abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea (or constipation).
12
*Ahem*
The world may never know.
13
A Stuck Fart
What... how... why... I don't even know.
