I wish forehead tattoos were more of a thing, because if they were, mine would say, "introvert." But you wouldn't be able to see it if I was wearing the genius, "Leave Me Alone" sweater that hides my whole head, or other clever introvert clothing items, which I'm OK with. I like not being seen when I don't want to be seen.
It's not that I don't like people, it's that socializing exhausts me. I don't have the emotional stamina to people for long periods of time. I just don't. And if I don't get a good chunk of solitary recharge time, I'm the grumpiest panda in all of Grumpy Panda Land.
That's why I need all of these introvert clothes. I need them so that when I'm out in the world, other introverts can feel my solidarity (from a distance). I need them so that extroverts can remember that I only have so much precious energy for them and they shouldn't waste it with things like small talk and phone calls. Most of all, I need them because they're awesome and fun. I like things that are awesome and fun as much as I like staying in on Friday nights! You feel me? If so, you'll probably love these introvert clothes, and need to add them to your life ASAP.
Walk Up To The Club Shirt, $20, LookHuman.com
Not all introverts have social anxiety, but for those of us who do, this shirt is everything. It encapsulates everything I feel when I walk up to the club. Or party. Or sometimes grocery store.
Sorry I Can't Right Now Racerback Tank, $22, Lookhuman.com
This one pretty much says it all.
Ew, People T-Shirt, $12, Geekdownapparel
I hate people. Except I love people! But I hate them. If you're an introvert, you understand.
Social Vegan T-Shirt, $20, Lookhuman.com
Haha! This tickles me, as both an introvert and a failed former vegan.
Introverts Unite T-Shirt, $23, Iloveapparel.com
That's about right. This shirt speaks on the truths of introvert gathering.
My Internet Was Down Pullover, $30, Lookhuman.com
Now you don't have to worry about a million people asking you why you came to a social gathering that you usually don't come to. They will know you only left the house because your Internet was down.
Introvert T-Shirt, $15, ElephanTees
This is the best kind of walk.
Introvert Battery Charging, $25, Redbubble.com
YAS. This shirt represents the most critical aspect of the introvert's existence.
I'm not quiet. I'm Scheming Tank, $22, Lookhuman.com
So. Much. Truth. Where's my clapping hands emoji?
Introvert Relaxed Fit T-Shirt, $30, Redbubble.com
What you see is just the tip f the iceberg. Introverts have deep, complex internal lives like you wouldn't believe.
I Don't Like Mornings Pullover, $30, Lookhuman.com
I especially don't like people and mornings put together.
Sorry I'm Late T-Shirt, $20, Lookhuman.com
My favorite passive-aggressive statement in a sweatshirt.
Peopled Out Pullover, $30, Lookhuman.com
If you wear this, then people can't say you didn't give them fair warning.
I'm Not Shy T-Shirt, $26, Zazzle.com
Because you're tired of people saying you're shy.
Now you can wear your introvert pride for all too see. But hopefully not for too many people to see. Too many people is exhausting.
Images: Ruth Grace Wong/Betabrand; Courtesy Brands