21 Theories For WTF Neville Was Doing During 'Cursed Child'

Potterheads, it's time to have a serious discussion about Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Like many other Potter-lovers, I went to the bookstore bright and early on the morning of July 31 to get myself a copy of J.K. Rowling's pseudo Harry Potter sequel, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, a play currently showing in London. And, while I was over the moon at the thought of being reunited with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, I couldn't help but notice a major character missing from the script: Neville Longbottom. Neville, aka the almost Boy Who Lived and the true hero of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, doesn't appear in Cursed Child. In fact, other than a few mentions here and there, he barely features in the story at all. So, WTF was Neville during the events of Cursed Child?

Neville's absence from Cursed Child is somewhat understandable, as the play isn't really about Harry Potter's social group, but about his son, Albus Severus, and his BFF Scorpius Malfoy (Draco Malfoy's shockingly sweet child), but it's still perplexing. For one thing, Neville is established as a teacher of Herbology at Hogwarts, which means that theoretically, he's actually present for all of Albus and Scorpius' time-traveling shenanigans. Second, he's mentioned as being crucial to defeating Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts. You'd think the man who helped Harry Potter save the wizarding world would at least get a few minutes of stage time, right? But, alas, Neville is nowhere to be found. In the absence of any official word from Rowling herself, here are some theories of where Neville was during Cursed Child. Spoilers ahead!

1. Professor Longbottom Was Hard At Work

By the time Cursed Child takes place, Neville has found his place teaching Herbology at Hogwarts. So, maybe he was busy taking care of baby Mandrakes while Scorpius and Albus almost brought Voldemort back to life.

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2. He Was Caught In Some Devil's Snare

If Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone taught us anything, it's that Herbology can be deceptively dangerous.

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3. He Was Taking Care Of Hogwarts

Headmistress McGonagall had to leave someone in charge while she rushed around the Forbidden Forest. I think Interim Headmaster Longbottom sounds pretty good, don't you?

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4. He Was Being Held Captive By The Trolley Witch

Who knows what the Trolley Witch is capable of.

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5. He Simply Forgot To Be There

Neville got that Remembrall for a reason, guys.

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6. He Was Taking Over The Ministry Of Magic

Who was in charge of the Ministry of Magic while Hermione was off dealing with Harry's son's mess? Neville seems as good a choice as any.

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7. He Was Too Busy Being A Boss

Neville spent years living in the shadow of Harry Potter, but now that everybody's grown up, he is nobody's sidekick.

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8. It Wasn't His Fate

The prophecy that set Voldemort on a mission to kill Harry could have applied to Neville, so the randomness of fate has always played a hand in Neville's journey. Maybe he just wasn't fated to participate in the Cursed Child prophecy either.

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9. Neville Isn't The Boy Who Lived

Neville might have been instrumental in taking down You Know Who (a fact Cursed Child makes painfully obvious), but that doesn't change the fact that he's not the Boy Who Lived. This one just wasn't Neville's fight.

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10. He Was In The Whomping Willow

Hey, someone's gotta be hiding out in there when rebel Hermione isn't, right?

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11. He Was Taking Care Of The Other Potter-Weasley Children

For all of you wondering where James and Lily Potter or Rose and Hugo Weasley were during the events of Cursed Child, take comfort in the possibility that maybe Neville was taking care of them the whole time.

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12. He Was Taking Care Of All The Other Hogwarts Students

Neville's probably a good babysitter, right?

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13. His Grandmother Wouldn't Let Him Go

Gran is one tough lady, and something tells me she wouldn't be too thrilled at the idea of her beloved grandson traveling through time.

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14. Delphi Got To Him First

If Delphi truly is the evil mastermind she thinks she is, taking out Neville before he has the chance to lend a hand would be a pretty smart move.

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15. He Was Waiting For Ron At The Three Broomsticks

In Cursed Child, Ron casually mentions having firewhiskies with Neville in Hogsmeade, so maybe Neville was waiting for Ron at the pub when all this time traveling went down.

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16. He's Dead

All these time traveling shenanigans could have cost Neville his life — at least temporarily.

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17. He Was Getting It On With Luna

I don't care that it's not canon in the books. I still ship Luna and Neville, and I'll never stop.

18. Or Doing Literally Anything Else

Again: Neville is a busy dude. The Wizarding World doesn't start and end with Harry Potter's family drama.

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19. He Was Dealing With The Centaurs

The centaurs didn't seem too pleased to see Harry in the Forbidden Forest, even if he was looking for his lost son. Who better to smooth over inter-species relations than Neville?

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20. He Was Calling The D.A.

Without Voldemort, there was no need for Dumbledore's Army, but the events of Cursed Child would definitely be enough to get the old band back together.

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21. His Letter Got Lost In Owl Post

Owls. They're not totally reliable, are they?

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