32 Genuinely Funny Jokes About Kellyanne Conway's "Bowling Green Massacre" Comment
In a Thursday night interview with MSNBC Hardball host Chris Matthews, Kellyanne Conway entered a new "alternative fact" into the Trump administration database. When asked about Trump's ban on travelers from seven Middle Eastern countries, Conway responded by referencing a temporary slowdown put in place by President Obama, targeting Iraqi citizens. She then claimed Obama's action came in response to the non-existent, never-happened "Bowling Green massacre."
The full quote is illuminating, if only for how it reveals a stunningly at ease commitment to fabricated nonsense. Conway told Matthews, “I bet it’s brand new information to people that President Obama had a six-month ban on the Iraqi refugee program after two Iraqis came here to this country, were radicalized and they were the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.”
Again, there never was such a thing. Apparently, Conway meant to reference two Iraqi immigrants who lived in Bowling Green, Kentucky. After bragging about using Improvised Explosive Devices (IED) against American soldiers while they were back living in Iraq, the two young men were sentenced to federal prison.
Unfortunately, the idiocy demonstrated here distracted from an earlier part of the interview, wherein Conway essentially argued that any civil servant who cannot commit to agreeing with everything Trump does should either resign or be prepared to be fired. Perhaps that was on purpose. Either way, we all need some levity, and Twitter came through with a host of "Bowling Green" jokes to lighten the mood.
Of Bowling Greens And Grizzly Bears
RIP to those lost in the Bowling Green Massacre, and those who lost their life in grizzly bear attacks in schools #BowlingGreenMasacre— Poetic Flavor (@PoeticFlavor) February 3, 2017
Remember: Betsy DeVos thinks guns on schools is a good idea #becausegrizzlies. And in Trump land that means: Everything is awesome.
That Time POTUS Wasn't Really Sure Who Frederick Douglass Is
I hope someone from the Trump Administration asks Frederick Douglass his thoughts on the Bowling Green Massacre.— Eric Wolfson (@EricWolfson) February 3, 2017
Trump seemed unsure of whether or not Douglass was still alive, or who he actually was, on Wednesday. Naturally, tweeters brought his apparently everlasting personage to the Bowling Green massacre commentary.
Gandalf Was There, Too
Bowling Green Massacre jokes r distasteful. I died twice during it, & avoided a 3rd only because Gandalf rescued me in his Millenium Falcon— Brent Mitchell (@BrentMitch8) February 3, 2017
Saved! With the assist from Han Solo's singular spaceship.
Conway's Credibility: Collateral Damage
Here are the names of all those who lost their lives at the Bowling Green Massacre:— Alex Morash (@AlexMorash) February 3, 2017
Kellyann Conway's career
Let us give thanks.
It actually remains to be seen if Conway will pay a price for brazen alternative fact spewing.
Bringing In The High-Brow Take
Beryl Cook's depiction of the Bowling Green Massacre is particularly moving. pic.twitter.com/AuoaY0xxB4— Andrea Mann 👍 (@AndreaMann) February 3, 2017
This artist rendition is my personal fave. Happy Friday.
The (Non-)Danger Of Copycat Effects
The worst part of the Bowling Green Massacre is all the copycat massacres that are not occurring, right now, in every city in the U.S.— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) February 3, 2017
Too much hype might risk bad actors getting ideas. Stop it.
But Is Our Jesting Too Soon??
Finding these Bowling Green Massacre jokes to be a little too soon. Out of respect, we should wait until it takes place.— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) February 3, 2017
OK, the Bowling Green Massacre did just come into (non-)existence yesterday...
Student Shares Why He'll #NeverNotForget
I was a student at BGSU when the Bowling Green Massacre didn't happen. I'll never be able to not forget what I didn't see that day.🙏— Jim Osborne (@ozzy4873) February 3, 2017
We can't not forget what never happened. #brainriddle
First Time Kellyanne Conway Gets Labeled A "Hipster"
SO sick of hipsters like @KellyannePolls who brag about being into the Bowling Green Massacre before it was a "thing."— Michael Schulman (@MJSchulman) February 3, 2017
This has to be the only time "Kellyanne Conway" and "hipster" appear together that doesn't involve trash talking about millennial laziness...
Trump On The Massacre: In His Own Words
The Bowling Green Massacre was a very serious massacre that did an amazing job of massacring and is getting recognized more and more— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) February 3, 2017
A good lesson on how you can talk a lot, without saying anything.
Man Shares "Where Were You" Memory
I was the @bgdailynews' city editor when the Bowling Green Massacre didn't happen.— Daniel Pike (@DPikeBGDN) February 3, 2017
Daniel Pike was apparently a "city editor" when the Bowling Green massacre just refused to happen. What about you?
Video footage of the Bowling Green Massacre... pic.twitter.com/Lrm693FwP0— TrumpsTaxes (@TrumpsTaxes) February 3, 2017
I don't know what all the football memes were about, because I don't know much about football. Kinda like Conway doesn't know much about that little thing called the "truth."
Imaginary Fund #1
if you'd like to donate to the fund for the victims of the bowling green massacre please PayPal me directly— Max Read (@max_read) February 3, 2017
Because if you're not catching on to the joke here...
Greatest Stealth Ad Coup Of All Time?
Out of curiosity, I googled “Bowling Green massacre” and was directed to a now-closed haunted house. https://t.co/PqvphJZpbH— Zach Lowe (@zlowe) February 3, 2017
Probably not, but if this old haunted house knew what traffic was coming its way, they might have held on longer!
Paging Info Wars
when will Hillary be investigated for her role in the Bowling Green massacre— Jesse Lehrich (@JesseLehrich) February 3, 2017
Alex Jones, can we get a status update on this?
Imaginary Fund #2
For every RT this tweet gets I will personally donate one imaginary dollar to the victims of the Bowling Green Massacre.— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) February 3, 2017
Cashing in on the RTs.
Another (Not) Fun Alternative Fact
RIP, 3-5 million illegal voters lost in the Bowling Green Massacre. #BowlingGreenMassacre— Michael Beeman (@MichaelBeeman) February 3, 2017
So that's how those 3-5 million illegal voters disappeared!
The Problem With "Massacre"
Thank you Donald for protecting us from another Bowling Green Massacre or a Texas Chainsaw Massacre & all kinds of #AlternativeMassacres!— #NotMyPresident (@France4Hillary) February 3, 2017
Yes, it's a joke. But "massacre" has an especially violent connotation. #AlternativeMassacres feels a little too haunting...
A Trump Theme Is Emerging
I wrote a doctoral thesis on the Bowling Green Massacre and now I have a Ph.D from Trump University. DeVos plagiarized it.— mauitam (@mauitam) February 3, 2017
And that them would be corruption and incompetence.
What Is The Opposite Of A Moment Of Silence?
Please, a moment of alternative silence for the victims of the Bowling Green massacre— Colin Barber (@TheCBarbsFiles) February 3, 2017
Maybe we should scream really loudly.
Don't Believe Your Lying Eyes
People die and come back to life. All the dang time.
Victim Fund #3 - And This Time, You Should Donate
To whoever put this together, you have my thanks. The "Bowling Green Massacre Fund" redirects their "Donate" page to the ACLU.
Hey! She Stole Our Band Name!
10 thousand punk bands named "The Bowling Green Massacre" are frantically scrambling to cut their debut EPs as we speak.— Toni Marshall (@antsmars) February 3, 2017
Many tweeters picked up on how very much like a punk band name "Bowling Green massacre" sounds.
Chelsea Clinton Is Listening
Very grateful no one seriously hurt in the Louvre attack ...or the (completely fake) Bowling Green Massacre. Please don't make up attacks.— Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) February 3, 2017
And we appreciate her lending her voice to speak out against the "alternative fact" machine of Trump's administration.
Conspiracy Theorizing, Part One
The Bowling Green Massacre cover-up was so deep and so nefarious that even the alt-right sites didn't cover it.— Matt Ahearn (@mattahearn) February 3, 2017
Look for Reddit trolls to pick this one up and take it seriously.
Charles Is Not So In Charge Anymore
Breaking: Scott Baio's career has succumbed to wounds received during what history is now referring to as the Bowling Green Massacre— Michael Parks (@mikeparkshere) February 3, 2017
Scott Baio may be lamenting his full-Trump embrace right about now.
Officer Blart To The Rescue!
This is the honorable man that saved many lives from the Bowling Green Massacre.— ❄️〔Nιх〕❄️ (@CluelessNix) February 3, 2017
God Speed, Officer Blart! pic.twitter.com/rcP19XvA53
When a fake massacre happens, you want a mall cop by your side.
This could be real.
Conspiracy Theorizing, Part Two
Can't wait to find out which DC pizza joint was used to plan the #BowlingGreenMassacre— Richard Allen Smith (@rockrichard) February 3, 2017
Pizza shops in D.C. are always behind non-existent scandals, amirite?
Make sure to share where you were that day, too.
Interior Decorating 101
Mark Wahlberg Wants In
fake or not, I thought Mark Wahlbergs performance in the Bowling Green Massacre biopic was astonishing— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) February 3, 2017
Not sure why, but Wahlberg was a common theme in some of these tweets. Maybe I'm missing a pop culture reference, but either way, I say to the above: #alternativetrue
Kellyanne Conway is certainly feeling the pain of her word choice, but these hilarious tweets about the incident will lighten the mood.