Everyone's flaws come out at some point. It's nothing to be ashamed of or something you have to hide. Some people may take it to the extreme, but in general, having flaws or negative traits is just part of what makes us human. If you're just getting to know someone and you want to discover their dark side, experts say there are some things you can do to figure it out without directly asking.
In general, there are many different ways someone can show their dark side. As Milana Perepyolkina, author of Gypsy Energy Secrets: Turning a Bad Day into a Good Day No Matter What Life Throws at You, tells Bustle, dark sides typically come out when we experience a blow to our ego. It's when negative thoughts start consuming your mind.
"It's very important to know that feeling anger, jealousy, and even hatred does not make us bad people," Perepyolkina says. But acting upon them in a destructive way can. That's why she says knowing about your dark side and accepting it as part of being human can help you stop unleashing it on others.
Asking the right questions can give you some insight into the darker aspects of another person. So here are some "creepy" questions you can ask someone to discover their dark side, according to experts.
"What Made You Cut Off A Friendship?"
Sure you're only getting one side of the story. But the response to this question can reveal how people are when they believe they're the hero or victim of a particular narrative. "You're watching for people taking offence over small matters, taking revenge, being unaware of their own part in the story, or twisting things to make them seem like a constant victim," Johnson says. "If bad things keep happening to someone, chances are the problem is them."
"What Do You And Your Family Fight About Most?"
"Most of our 'issues' begin at home," Johnson says. So you may get information on someone's opinions about important things like boundaries and what's appropriate or not. If someone tells stories of crossing boundaries or making people feel uncomfortable with pride, they're likely hiding some pretty dark qualities.
"What's The Worst Thing You've Ever Done In Your Life?"
The reaction you get to this question can speak volumes if you're paying attention. "Someone who has a dark side is going to light up and sparkle at the invitation to disclose their dark side," relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. "They’ll be glad you asked and playful about letting you in." Someone with a more "mild" dark side may have trouble coming up with a good story and will likely talk about stealing gum from a store as a kid or being dishonest about a late library book.
"What Did You Take Away From The Worst Thing You've Ever Done?"
"If they are honest with you, you’ll probably learn a lot about them personally, including if they have insight into their own life choices," licensed profesional counselor, Heidi McBain, MA, LMFT, tells Bustle. If someone is aware enough to know when they've made questionable choices and have made the effort to change for the better, you know you're dealing with a mature individual.
"What Do You Think About Getting Revenge?"
"How we deal with pain shows our darkest side," Perepyolkina says. The answer to this question can say a lot about how a person deals with being hurt and frustrated. If they think seeking vengeance is necessary for them to heal and move on, they may have a darker side to them.
"What's The One Thing You Regret The Most In Your Past Relationships?"
When they're answering the question, pay close attention to what they don't say. As Amica Graber, an expert with background check site, TruthFinder, tells Bustle, if someone says they have zero regrets or can't think anything at all, it shows they haven't learned anything or may have narcissistic tendencies. "It's normal and healthy to have regrets about our past relationships. It's how we learn and grow," she says. "Those with strong narcissistic traits rarely feel regret or remorse over their actions."
If you happen to receive answers to these questions that may seem off, don't automatically assume the worst. Just remember, everyone has a dark side. Some are darker than others and it's interesting to see someone's potential for it. Unless there are major red flags in their behavior, don't let their dark side put you off.