Yesterday, an AskReddit thread queried, “Divorced men of reddit: what moment with your former wife made you think ‘Yup, I'm asking this girl to divorce me.’? [sic]” Hundreds of divorced redditors wrote about their relationships, describing the exact moment when they knew their marriages were over. It’s an interesting look at the many paths an unhappy relationship can take, and — unsurprisingly — the whole thing is kind of depressing.
Divorce is a common thing in the United States (though recent reports suggest that the divorce rate is actually declining), and the guys in the Reddit thread share a number of common reasons for the breakdowns of their relationships, including infidelity, financial incompatibility, and simply growing apart. There’s a fair amount of anger in this thread, which makes sense. People don’t get divorced when they are in happy, functional relationships. Breakups are messy, and they are only more so when a split involves legal contracts, shared finances and property, and — most complicated of all — children.
Divorce — like any other breakup — is often the culmination of a lot of things, including fault and dysfunction on both side of the equation. But, as these redditors describe, there has to be a moment of conscious choice to move from “unhappy marriage” to “legal proceedings.” Here are some of the triggers that kicked off these male redditors’ splits:
Revelations of cheating was the “light bulb” moment for a lot of divorced redditors.
2. The Kids Were Catching On
These posts hurt my heart. Often married couples try to stay together for their children, but, as these redditors point out, being with unhappy parents is damaging to kids, too.
3. The Spark Wasn’t There Anymore
Not every divorce is initiated by a dramatic event. Sometimes people just drift apart.
Gotta love this response:
5. Realizing That You Are At Fault
It can be hard to recognize your own faults — but that's the only way to change for the better.
6. Sometimes, It Just Comes To You
For some people, there isn't a specific "trigger." They just know the marriage is over.
7. Wishing Your Partner Would Literally Sleep Through Your Family Vacation
Yeah, that's a pretty strong sign that something is wrong with the relationship.
Need something to restore your faith in relationships? Check out this AskReddit thread about the moment that married redditors knew their partners were “The One.” It’ll turn you right into the heart-eyes emoji.