Signs You Aren't Sexually Compatible As You Think

by Isadora Baum, CHC

There's good sex, and then there's great sex. Of course, great sex is always better. Unfortunately, it's not a guarantee, and sometimes it's impossible to get that spark in bed, no matter who much you love your partner. If there are signs you're not sexually compatible with your partner, it might be time to discuss the ways to improve sex, as a little communication between the sheets can go a long way.

As a certified health coach, I work with clients on finding that sexual chemistry with a partner, as it's pretty important in determining relationship satisfaction. It's super important to note that the emotional aspect must be there too (and often, having an emotional connection will make for better sex), but if you're not compatible romantically, the emotional investment might not cut it alone. Plus, sometimes the sex just won't get better (the worst). First thing to do? Talk it through. Discuss what you like and don't like to do in bed. Still, if the open dialogue doesn't seem to work, it might be worth looking for a new partner who you can connect with on all levels. Here are 7 signs you're not sexually compatible with your partner.

1. Sex Is Boring

"If sex is starting to feel monotonous it may be a sign that the relationship is becoming a routine," says Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW over email with Bustle. Also, "if sex feels plain vanilla without experimentation (and this is something you want) it may be a sign that there is a lack of trust in the relationship, and sex without intimacy may be reflective that your relationship is also lacking in intimacy, not only physically but emotionally as well," Hershenson adds.

2. There's One Giver & One Receiver

"If one person is always the giver in bed and the other is the taker this may be playing out in the relationship as well," says Hershenson. Plus, if an individual is a people pleaser, it could be a sign of low self esteem, which will have an affect on the relationship. Likewise, someone who always needs approval and compliments can begin to get frustrating and cause the other partner to pull back, Hershenson adds.

3. You Have To Fake It In Bed

"If one of you is faking it in bed, it could be a sign of lack of trust and a breakdown in communication. You should feel comfortable to express your needs not only in bed but in all matters," says Hershenson. Plus, if you're an adult, you shouldn't need to fake it. Be real, and find a partner who can actually please you.

4. You Have Different Libidos

"One sign you and your partner may not be compatible is if you have different libidos and extremely different sexual needs," says relationship coach Nina Rubin, M.A. over email with Bustle. "Some couples both want sexual intimacy multis times a week, whereas others are content with monthly or longer between sex sessions. If you and your partner are not on the same page about this, resentment can build up," says Rubin.

5. You're Not In Sync

If you just don't have the same rhythm in bed, like you go one way and your partner the other, or your bodies just don't really move together well, there might be no way of getting around the issue. Sometimes the vibe just isn't there, says relationship expert Audrey Hope, over email with Bustle.

6. You Think Of Other People During Sex

Hope says that sometimes the mind wanders into fantasies about other people or past (or potentially future) adventurous scenarios that involve someone else, while you're having sex with your partner. Yikes. Here's why: "You use memory and other stimulants to keep you involved in the act with your current partner. This person you are with is just not enough to get you turned on," Hope says.

7. Kissing Is Bad

If your partner is a bad kisser (in your mind, remember), it simply means you're probably not very compatible in bed. Of course, there's more to just kissing to get that spark set, but if you can't feel connected with the basics, it doesn't say much for the real, fun stuff.

If you notice any of these signs, it could mean you're not compatible with your partner in bed. Try and talk it out and experiment, but if it doesn't improve, it might be time to be realistic and move on.