Sex styles differ, so while you might not be the greatest partner between the sheets for one person, you might totally rock another one's world (and bed). Still, some sexual habits are a turnoff, indicating you're not good in bed. If this is the case, you might want to read up on some tips and communicate with your partner directly. For instance, ask him or her what could be improved on your end (more foreplay? different positions? toys?), and overall, sex for both of you is bound to get better.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on having fulfilling relationships, and often that includes an intimate relationship with a significant other. Of course, the intensity and frequency of sex can differ across relationships (especially regarding long-term or long-distance ones), but either way, sexual chemistry and physical attraction plays a huge role. Unfortunately, when that "lust" doesn't accompany the "love," it can make for a few relationship complications, as it'll be that much harder to keep the spark alive. The good news? You can totally work on those sex skills. Here are 9 signs that you're not so great in bed. Plus, the best part: Practice makes perfect, so keep doing the deed (again and again).
1. You Have A "Move"
If your partner likes this move of yours, keep on doing it, but if you're always resorting to your go-to move without actually seeing if he or she likes what you're doing, it could mean you're not connecting in bed, explains Nicole Prause, Ph.D. over email with Bustle. "You are going to 'apply' to them whatever you always do, with little regard for how their particular body might work," Prause explains. Look for signals to determine whether you should change things up.
2. You Don't Communicate Your Needs
"If you cannot communicate about sex effectively, you are dead in the water. Many people struggle early on with how to convey uncomfortable questions (should it smell that way?) or make effective requests (I like it, but way slower)," says Prause. "The person who is good in bed has good skills in asking questions with compassion and curiosity, as well as making requests knowing they are part of good communication," Prause explains.
3. You're Focused On Yourself
It's not just about your pleasure, but also that of your partners. According to Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist in Colorado, over email with Bustle, being selfish in bed can easily be read by your partner, and it'll create a disconnect for the two of you. Instead, ask how you can please your partner, and it's bound to be reciprocated.
4. You Don't Feel Anything At All
This can be tricky, as sometimes hot, basic sex can be mind-blowing. However, if you're in a relationship, the sex will be better if it has some emotional connection, as well, explains Fisher. "Sex starts outside the bedroom with the emotional climate of the relationship. Usually, the closer and more connected a couple feels outside the bedroom the better sex will be inside the bedroom," Fisher explains.
5. You Don't Ever Try Foreplay
According to Rori Sassoon, NYC’s power couple expert and CEO and Co-Founder of Platinum Poire, over email with Bustle, "without foreplay, there’ll be no after play." What's more, "when your partner doesn’t take the time to make sure you are in the mood it can be a sign that they are selfish and not considerate in bed," Sassoon adds.
6. You Don't Think About Kissing
Awkward kissing can lead to awkward sex. "If your rhythm and body language are off, or is not connecting, this could mean your rhythm may also be off in the bedroom," explains Sassoon. Instead, aim for passionate kisses as a way to make sex better, as well.
7. Your Partner Gets Up Right After
Good sex usually comes with cuddling (or at least some rest and recovery after). "If you start to notice a pattern of your partner getting up to leave right after you are finished (if they even let you finish), this might be an indicator that they don’t see you as A-list material in the bedroom," says Sassoon.
8. You Don't Have Sex For Very Long
Sure, you might have an intense quickie (which can be awesome sex, by the way), but if you're always having a quick sex session, when the intention is for it to be longer, it's likely that at least one person is less than satisfied, explains Carol Queen, PhD at Good Vibrations over email with Bustle.
9. You Don't Have Any Idea What You Or Your Partner Like
This goes both ways. If you have no idea what you like in bed, you're probably not in tune with your sexual needs and can't then relay that over to your partner in bed (making for mediocre sex, at best). Likewise, if you don't know what your partner's favorite positions or fetishes are in bed, you're likely not pleasing him or her as well as you could, explains Queen.
If you notice any of these signs matching up to your bedroom behavior, it could mean bad news. Instead, work on communication and experimentation. With some practice, you'll be better in no time.