The love between you and your partner might very well be real, but even so, it's possible for your partner to not appreciate all the little things you do on a daily basis. If you're feeling as though your partner takes you for granted, it's worth a discussion or even a re-evaluation of the relationship, if it's not well received. While it might be tough to break things off, especially if you're in love, it could be what's best in order to feel absolutely valued in your next romantic relationship.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on feeling happy and fulfilled in their relationships, especially those that involve an S.O., so when there's any ill feelings towards a partner, it can put a lot of stress on the relationship. Sometimes it doesn't end well (the couple breaks up), but other times, the partner didn't even realize how he or she was coming across, before talking it through, meaning there's potential to improve and grow. If you feel as though you're not be appreciated, let your partner know, as he or she might not understand how these actions are being perceived. Here are 9 signs that your partner takes you for granted and what you can do about it.
1. You're Not Acknowledged
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, professor of psychology, and author, over email with Bustle, if your partner doesn't say good morning or acknowledge you when you arrive home, it could be a red flag. "If you are not at least the first thing he/she thinks about OR last before sleeping - then you are likely being taken for granted," says Durvasula.
2. You're Not Included In Plans
If your partner is always making plans without thinking to ask you initially, or even invite you out, it could mean you're not appreciated. If "plans are made and you are asked as an afterthought," as in you weren't asked out and if you hadn't asked you wouldn't have known, says Durvasula, then you weren't on your partner's mind, as you should be.
3. You're Not Supported When Sad
If you have a major life event that's causing distress, perhaps a death, a tight deadline at work, a career transition, or a new health condition, and he or she doesn't care to ask you how you're doing or lend support, it could definitely mean you're being taken for granted, says Durvasula. Little worries should also be attended to, but these bigger occasions are a direct indicator.
4. You're Never Complimented
If your partner never gives you compliments, then it could mean you're no longer on his or mind as being someone worth praising, even for small, little things just to show that you're cared about. Try giving compliments first and see if they're reciprocated. Or, tell your partner you'd like to be complimented more (just don't over do it).
5. You Have To Do All The Chores
If you're always the one grocery shopping, doing dishes, picking up kids from practice, or sitting in rush hour traffic to do errands, while your partner sits back and relaxes, it could mean he or she assumes you'll do all the dirty work, says Durvasula. Instead, tell your partner you don't like doing this stuff (shocker), and you'd like to split tasks evenly.
6. You're Always Left Alone
Having some level of healthy separation is great, as in a guys or girls night on a weekend or social events that don't always include the other; yet, if your partner is making long business or vacation plans and doesn't care to share the details with you (or invite you), it could mean you're not factored into their lifestyle and relative decisions, explains Durvasula.
7. You're Not Given Any Romance Or PDA
Sure, excess PDA isn't great (I'm personally not a fan of PDA in general), but if there's no element of romance or minor PDA, such as holding hands when walking on the street, it could mean your partner doesn't value you enough to give you the affection you deserve. Try and initiate the romance and see how he or she responds, and be clear in communicating what you want.
8. You Get The News On Social
If something big happens to your partner and the first thought is to alert the media, instead of telling your privately first, it could mean you're not thought of as you should be. In a good relationship, you deserve to be in the know, not one of several to find out simultaneously, says Darvasula.
9. You're Not Given Respect At Home
While this only applies to couples who live together, if you're not asked whether or not your partner can invite guests over (which should be allowed, but the inquiry is much appreciated and deserved), it could mean you're not factored into the equation as being an equal in the home, explains Davasula. Express how you'd be happy to be inclusive, but would like a better heads up in the future.
If you notice any of these issues, it could mean your partner doesn't value your worth, which is high, by the way. If he or she won't budge and put in effort, it might be time to ditch the relationship.