When in a new or established relationship, it's common to go through a roller coaster of emotions at times. But, the swings should only go to a certain point. There are several things you should never feel in a relationship, as it can signify a lack of communication, satisfaction, or balance between you and your partner. And, unless these feelings are resolved, it can lead to conflict (and perhaps a breakup) long-term.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on feeling happy, accepted, and loved in their relationships, and while they're bound to experience bouts of sadness, rage, and disappointment, the overall vibe should be positive. What's more, negative emotions shouldn't get too extreme, to the point where it becomes dangerous or abusive (physically or emotionally). If you're noticing bad feelings towards your partner, that don't seem to be fixed through proper dialogue or learned lessons and behaviors, it could be time to evaluate your relationship and decide whether or not it's right for you. You never want to feel out of control or stifled by a partner. Here are nine feelings that should never be tolerated when you're in a relationship. If any pop up (especially if on a regular basis), it's time to make a move and run for it.
1. Feeling Like The Relationship Is One-Sided
According to Barbara Pender, host of 56 LIVESTREAMS of RealLife confession of Online Dating platforms, over email with Bustle, "you should never feel one sided in a relationship." Pender says, "It is an intuitive occurrence that we often ignore because we (women) try to fix it." Make sure you're both equals for greater satisfaction.
2. Feeling Like The Relationship Is Work
Yes, work and effort goes into make a relationship successful and sustainable, as people change and grow together, but if the relationship feels too much like a chore, it's probably not the right path. Let's say you're fighting a lot: "A relationship should not feel like work; that is a clue that your communication is off or that one of you did not listen to what you agreed to in order to move past that subject," says Pender.
3. Feeling Unappreciated
If you're feeling unappreciated, it's best to evaluate the status of your relationship and decide next steps. "If you feel like your partner consistently takes you for granted and doesn’t appreciate your contributions to the relationship, then it might be time to reassess why you are staying with that person," says Jonathan Bennett, certified counselor in Columbus, Ohio, to Bustle.
4. Feeling Ashamed Of Yourself
"Relationships should be two way streets where both people work out their differences and try to support the other person. You should never feel shame in a healthy relationship," says Bennett. "A partner who resorts to shaming tactics (like humiliation) or feels ashamed of you definitely isn’t worth your time and energy," Bennett adds.
5. Feeling Like Your Partner Isn't Present With You
When together, you both should have good conversation and enjoy each other's company, being fully present in the moment. But if your partner is always on his or her phone, like on social media, and is ignoring you, it can feel pretty sucky, says Agnar Sigmarsson, a relationship expert, to Bustle.
6. Feeling Anxious Around Your Partner
"You should never feel anxiety in your relationship. This is a clear sign that either emotional abuse is going on or your man is not the right guy for you. You should feel happy and excited in a relationship not worried," explains Jennifer Seiter, a relationship expert, to Bustle. Of course, you might have bouts of tension, but unless they're resolved quickly, it could be related to a larger issue.
7. Feeling Deceived
If you feel like your partner is lying to you or deceiving you on a regular basis, it could indicate a trust issue, as well as a slew of other complications to make the relationship challenging and less fulfilling. Being able to feel safe and assured in your relationship is super important for it to further develop and deepen.
8. Feeling Like You're Forced To Have Sex
You should never need to have sex if you're not in the mood (a relationship should be based off more than the physical anyway). Here's a sign something's wrong: "Your abusive partner emotionally manipulates you into sexual activities you don't like. They many even emotionally arm-twist you by saying things like 'Other girls/guys do it! Why can't you?'" says Dr. Fran Walfish, leading couples relationship and family psychologist to Bustle.
9. Feeling Constantly Corrected & Criticized
If you're feeling constantly put down and criticized, it could mean that you're getting emotionally abusive treatment, which shouldn't ever be tolerated. "Disputing or correcting someone on points irrelevant to the main point being discussed," is a key feature, and "the constant correcting keeps the abuser on top and his subject in a one-down position," says Walfish.
If you notice any of these signs, it could mean your relationship isn't healthy or on the right track for success. Making sure you're in a loving and accepting environment is so important for happiness within a partnership.