I live in New York City, where in the middle of April, it has only JUST climbed above 55 degrees. Winter here has felt unending, so much so that I'm considering giving up my tickets to see Angels in America on Saturday so I can stand outside in the sun for 12 hours. And it appears we East Coasters aren't alone in suffering a true winter of our discontent — one Grand Rapids, MI weather reporter's rant about the endless winter proves that even the professionals know our pain all too well.
As reported by Mashable, the aforementioned rant was unspooled by one Garry Frank, a morning meteorologist with Fox 17 in Grand Rapids. Frank's colleagues asked him how the upcoming weather was looking. "It'll be fine," he said, haltingly. "It could be worse." When his colleagues asked why he seemed so low, he went off on them. "You guys are dragging me down," he said. "Every time I get down with the seven-day, you guys are like, 'Uggggh. Godddddd. Urrrgggh. Every time."
He added, "It doesn't matter what time I come on. 4:30. 5:30. 6:30. And then you expect me to be chipper for five straight hours. It's miserable. I want you guys to say, 'Wow, that's great news, it's going to be 60 on Friday.'" And when his colleagues balked, he didn't back down. "What do you want me to do, lie to you? I'll put 70 down every day next time. God. Man." Here's the whole video below:
Frank's colleagues aren't the only ones internally and externally groaning when they read the weather report. Just this morning, I almost threw my phone across my room when I saw these gorgeous next few days in New York will soon be replaced with a week of rain and high 50s, and I'm sorry, high 50s is just not good enough. I bought two t-shirts yesterday, not because I needed them, but because I hoped they'd help usher in some t-shirt appropriate weather. Unfortunately, t-shirts are not a talisman, and aside from the next couple of days of sunshine, I will still have to spend the next week hugging my space heater WHY GOD.
On the other hand, Frank has a point. It's not his fault that the weather refuses to cooperate, or creep even one stupid degree above 65. Unlike Lilo's fish Pudge, from the beloved Disney film Lilo & Stitch, Frank doesn't control the weather, he just reports it. He can't force Mother Nature to stop dumping snow on us in the spring, or to give us just ONE GOOD WEEK of sunshine so I can make blogs outside and remember what it was like not to want to scream every single time I left my apartment.
It's a hard knock life for a weatherperson, especially in the winter, when each day is bleaker and colder than the next. When the madness breaks, of course, a weatherperson offers nothing but blessings. I'm sure Frank's colleagues will swap out their groans for cheers when his seven-day forecasts are stocked with sunshine and 75-degree weather. Then again, once summer hits, weather news is rife with humidity and thunderstorms and devastating hurricanes, and then it gets cold again, and the cycle repeats.
If you think about it, being a weatherperson in the Midwest or Northeast is kind of like being a dentist. Sometimes, you just have to give someone a cleaning, but you can send them on their way without having to impart any bad news. Other times, you have to let them know you're charging them $375 to drill holes in their teeth, and it's possible the novocain won't totally work, not that this nightmare has ever happened to me! Anyway, be nice to Garry Frank, guys, and remember we're all in this weatherhell together—except for those jerks in San Diego, who get majestic weather year round, UGH.