Hold onto your friggin’ butts, everyone, because Applebee’s just announced a $2 vodka lemonade deal that’ll be available all March long. You can get ten entire ounces of boozy lemonade at all participating Applebee’s locations across the country starting today. This is exactly the news you needed to get through the start of another month. We are all tethered to the chain of capitalism. It’s fine. Succumb to its liquored-up lemonade glory.
Let us give a necessary moment of thanks for the drink deal the vodka lemonade is replacing: February’s $1 Bahama Mama, which they dubbed the Dollarmama. You did us good, Dollarmama. You’ve truly done us all a great service. But now we must give you a break and give Applebee’s a chance to replenish their rum. So, so much rum.
You may have noticed that this month’s drink deal is an entire dollar more expensive than last month’s. “Double the price? In this economy?” you cry. Hush, my sweet, tipsy little sunflower. March’s drink is more expensive for good reason: it features premium vodka. Ooooh, aaah, ~*premium vodka*~! Each vodka lemonade is made with Absolut Vodka, hence the slight price increase.
The $2 Vodka Lemonade deal is available all day, every day during March. That’s information that’s dangerous to have on, say, a Thursday afternoon when happy hour is within sight. Applebee’s wants to get us all sauced (responsibly sauced, of course) at all hours of the day.
If a vodka lemonade seems to be teasing us for the non-spring weather many of us been having, that’s intentional. Applebee’s March drink is meant to allude to Spring Breaks of yore, specifically for those of us no longer allotted a week of vacation time in the middle of the month. Even if you can’t make it to the beaches of Cabo, you can celebrate a happy hour’s worth of spring break at an Applebee’s both. (...That sounded more appealing in my head.)
You know what pairs well with a vodka lemonade? Literally anything. It’s just vodka and lemonade. Everything tastes good with vodka and lemonade. Mozzarella sticks? Obviously. A chicken quesadilla? Duh. An eight ounce steak? This is your destiny, my dude.
You know what else pairs well the $2 drink deal? Applebee’s all-you-can-eat menu which they just brought back at the beginning of the month. For $12.99 you can feast forever on chicken tenders and bottomless fries. Is this heaven or hell? Who knows! This deal is both a blessing and a curse.
The restaurant’s monthly drink deals seem to be an appeal to customers (millennials, specifically) to please, please come to Applebee’s. According to Business Insider, the chain closed 99 locations in 2017 and recently announced they planned to shut the doors to another 60 to 80 Applebee’s across the country in 2018.
Millennials do love their liquor. According to USA Today affiliate the Tennessean, millennials account for roughly 25 percent of Americans over 21 but for significantly more of the alcohol purchases in the U.S. Accounting for 35 percent of beer sales and 32 percent of spirit consumption, millennials are over indexing on the alcohol front. The report doesn’t say whether millennials are solely responsible for the rosé craze but you all know good and well we’re to blame.
Is Applebee’s latest string of drink deals a ploy to get more young folk good and toasty in their restaurants? I mean, yeah probably. But also you get a $2 drink out of it. At any hour. On any day. So, it’s really a win-win situation.
Grab your friends or family or a random passerby and sip on a vodka lemonade. Just remember to drink responsibly. But feel free to mozzarella stick with reckless abandon.