Around the same time we learn adults occasionally bury their heads in each other's crotches for pleasure, young girls are also taught that our vaginas are basically disgusting flesh swamps that require an enormous amount of maintenance, lest our partners take one look at them and pass out in horror. We are instructed to shear our muffs, stuff expensive rocks up our vaginas, and eat foods that will supposedly make our cum taste like dessert. One of the most common pieces of advice for achieving a scrumptious vag — proffered breathlessly in women's magazines, at happy hours, and in the back of crowded school buses — is to consume vast quantities of pineapple. But does pineapple actually change the smell and taste of your vagina?
Before we delve into this age-old question, a few notes. Most importantly, vaginas are meant to taste like vaginas. Anyone who would venture between your legs and then recoil and say: "Wait a minute, this doesn't taste at all like peach cobbler!" should be kicked out immediately, and probably offered some informative reading materials.
What is the taste of a vagina exactly? Although its differs for everyone based on their diet, sweat, and natural body secretions, according to MyVag.net, the baseline flavor profile for a healthy vagina is "not quite sour, but somewhat astringent, perhaps because the vagina is, after all, acidic." Mmm, astringent.
That being said, there's no shame in wanting to make oral sex as pleasant as possible for the person going down on you (though it should absolutely be a two-way-street, and you shouldn't be the only one expected to primp your genitals just because they happen to be innies.)
So, with those two points out of the way, back to pineapples. Despite the wealth of rumors out there, there's been no official scientific study on how different foods affect our vaginas.
"There's never been a full-fledged experiment performed and reported in an academic journal, but there is a substantial [amount] of anecdotal evidence about the way that a variety of foods, drinks and activities affect the taste of cum," sexologist Timaree Schmit told Mic.com.
Pineapples, mangos, kiwi, cucumber, blueberries, and celery have all anecdotally been associated with better, or more mild tasting cum. For example, in an act of true journalistic selflessness, writer Rachel Khona and her boyfriend agreed to test out the effects of various foods on their sexual fluids, and while pineapple juice (vast amounts of it, consumed over three days) seemed to significantly improve the taste of her boyfriend's semen, Kona's vagina reportedly didn't taste that different.
Vegan and vegetarian diets have also been associated with pleasantly-flavored genitals, while, dairy, broccoli, asparagus, red meat, garlic, alcohol and smoking can all reportedly give your vagina a more sour taste.
Although different foods impact the taste of your cum in different ways, in general, the state of your vagina is reflective of your overall health. So if you eat well, exercise, and keep your crotch clean by washing it (with water and gentle soap; do not douche unless you're specifically instructed to by a medical professional) and wearing underwear in breathable fabrics, your vagina should be fine. And if you are having serious, continuing issues with the smell between your legs, talk to a medical professional, because strong odor could indicate some sort of infection.
So, will pineapple change the smell of your vagina? Maybe a little. But don't stress about the smell too much. After all of her intensive research with her boyfriend, Khona concluded: "I learned something very important from this experiment; force feeding yourself (or your partner) in the name of making your juices taste better is not worth it."
Munch on some pineapple if you feel like it, but besides that, when your partner begins to venture south, just sit back and enjoy the ride.