Attention all recent grads and/or people looking for the career opportunity of a lifetime: you can now apply for a job as a “cat cuddler.” Let me say that again: you can get paid actual human money to cuddle with actual feline cats. “Do what you love, love what you do” suddenly makes so much sense.
A feline veterinary clinic called Just Cats is currently hiring a full-time “cat cuddler,” according to a job listing on their website. The clinic is located in Dublin. So, just in case cuddling with cats wasn’t enough of a sell, you’ll also get to enjoy the soothing Irish accents of your coworkers and clients. What does it take to be a professional cuddler of cats? Let’s start with the basics, as per questions listed on the job posting:
“Are you a crazy cat person and loves cats?” Um, easy: yes. “Does cattitude come naturally to you?” If you had to spend years honing your cattitude you may not be the most natural fit for this position. “Have you counted kittens before you go asleep?” Yes, and also sheep dressed as kittens and vice versa. And finally, “Does petting cats make you feel warm and fuzzy?” Duh. That’s Cats 101. Answering affirmatively to those questions is just one part of being qualified for the position of “cat cuddler.”
Now that we’ve weeded out all the poser cat lovers, let’s get into some more specific skills that will make for the most qualified “cat cuddler,” as per Just Cats’ posting. The candidate they’re looking for “must have gentle hands capable of petting and stroking cats for long periods of time.” Again, pretty intro level stuff. Gotta have your hands primed and ready for petting at all times.
Candidates also “need to be softly spoke and capable of cat whispering to calm the nerves of some of our in patients.” Indoor voices only, people. Where do you think this is, PetSmart? If you’re looking for something that’ll set you apart from the rest, the posting states, “an ability to understand different types of purring is a distinct added advantage in helping you secure this position with us.” Oh, you speak Portuguese but can’t discern the sounds of a Burmese cat from a Bengal? GTFO.
The post doesn’t specify pay or additional benefits for this position because you would literally get to hang out with cats all day. What more is there? While the company specifies that they are an equal opportunities employer, they “do discriminate against dogs attending our veterinary clinic as patients.” The name of the company is Just Cats. Did you think they were joking?
Before you start writing your cover letter, it's important to note that you do need to have veterinary council of Ireland-recognized qualification for this position. So, they’re not just looking for any soft-spoken cat fanatic with a mental Rosetta Stone for cat purrs.
Even if you aren’t qualified to cuddle cats professionally, you can still get your feline fix from a cat cafe or even build your cat-related resume with a job as a cat sitter. If nothing else, you can maybe start logging all those hours you spend watching cute cat videos as research for a potential future job.