There's a million and one things going on in your human brain every time you have an interaction with someone. Every few seconds, a conscious thought will pop up and make a judgment, but most of it happens under the surface. Consequently, things that instantly make you more attractive can be a massive help because oftentimes, they target the subconscious part of the brain that marks someone as "likable" or "alluring." And while the media has taught us to believe (quite wrongly) that it has everything to do with looks or body type, in actuality, the confident attitude or warmth you give off during an interaction is just as important.
To get a little more insight on the subject, I got in touch with two experts: Paul L. Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist, and Susan Bartell, PhD, a psychologist and award-winning author. Both were really knowledgeable when it came to pinpointing exactly what others find attractive in people, as well as the small things someone can do to boost their it-factor when they walk into a room. The even better news? Most of these changes are relatively small, and only take a matter of minutes to incorporate into your social life.
1. Practice Compassion To Make More Meaningful Connections
According to Dr. Hokemeyer, people who are internally warm and compassionate are naturally more physically attractive to people. "People are attracted to authentic beauty that has a human rather than mannequin quality," says Dr. Hokemeyer. "We're genetically pulled to people who radiate warmth, honesty and compassion. We're repelled by external presentations of perfection...The perfection of others makes us feel inadequate."
These popular Pema Chödrön's compassion cards come in a set of 59 (all made from durable materials), and each one has daily inspirations and prompts for the Buddhist practice of lojong, a meditation that purifies your motivations and attitudes. "Pema Chödrön is a wise and generous teacher," says one reviewer. "Her 'Compassion Cards' teach us interior peacemaking, and as we make peace within ourselves, we become active peacemaker's in the world."
2. Improve Your Posture (Without A Lot Of Effort)
"Good posture is an attractive trait, so one can definitely work on that," says Dr. Susan Bartell. "The same with confidence." Good posture, however, isn't always as easy as consciously reminding yourself throughout the day. This Lifemall posture shape corrector has an ergonomic X-strap backing that pulls your shoulders upwards and back for posture that's immediately improved. Since it goes right over your bra, it can be worn with your favorite one, and it has three front hooks for easy adjustment. This one also comes in your choice of black or beige.
3. Showcase Your Individuality And Confidence
"Attractiveness demands an ease of being. It's comfortable and relaxed while bearing the mark of individuality," says Dr. Hokemeyer, who recommends celebrating your natural features (like grey hair, for instance) and punctuating one's face with a bright accent, such as red lipstick, which showcases individuality and confidence — especially since the color red subconsciously elicits attraction.
An easy and unique way to have fun showing off your natural features? Capturing your favorite moments with an instant film camera. Throw on your favorite outfit, wear whatever hair or makeup makes you feel your best, then ask a friend to snap some cute pictures of you. The dreamy effect of the film plus the throwback feel will make you fall even more in love with your appearance.
4. Get Fresher Breath With Probiotics
Dr. Bartell also notes how attraction has a lot to do with the sense of smell, and that "smelling good" alongside "clean breath" can make a huge difference. While people often use mouthwash assuming that they're doing their mouth a favor, the alcohol and other harsh ingredients actually dry out the mouth, limiting salivary flow, which helps to wash out the odor-causing bacteria.
In addition to having zero alcohol, I Clean Your Teeth Mouthwash actually contains probiotics (good bacteria that fight odors and harmful bacteria on your teeth and gums) so that your mouth stays fresh on its own. It's got a subtle yet pleasant taste, and the reviews are awesome: "This stuff really works. After a week my mouth hasn't felt cleaner."
5. Use Vitamin E For Radiant Skin
According to Dr. Hokemeyer, "Healthy and radiant skin is also incredibly attractive. Skin is our largest organ and speaks volumes about our past, our present, and our future." As a result, he recommends "Vitamin E, taken internally and applied topically for both men and women." This GreatFull skin oil has just two healthy ingredients (including good old Vitamin E) to help heal, moisturize, and protect skin from issues like acne, dark spots, and sun damage. It's also non-greasy, absorbs easily, and is typically safe even the most sensitive of skin.
6. Self-Love Is Incredibly Seductive To Other People
"It seems contradictory on its face, but the most attractive people are those who make others feel attractive. Attractiveness requires an 'other' focus rather than a self-obsession," says Dr. Hokemeyer. "This is why people who are comfortable in their own skin are so darn attractive... This self-love is incredibly seductive. It draws others to you like a magnet."
The Self-Esteem Guided Journal gives you prompts and exercises that teach you to think more positively about yourself, ultimately resulting in more peace, success, and self-love. Once you find your self-worth through this ten week program, you can then offer the confidence and self-esteem that causes others to intrinsically feel better about themselves, too.
7. Snap Well-Lit Selfies That Show Off Your Lovely Face
Another big way to boost your self esteem and fulfill the Dr. Hokemeyer's suggestion of self-love? Celebrating all your favorite things about your appearance with selfies, whether you're in a fancy outfit and out with friends or just having a particularly lovely day at home and want to let the whole world (A.K.A. your friends, via social media).
The super popular LuMee cell phone case gives your selfies the perfect amount of light, so you'll never have to settle for dark, blurry pictures of your meticulously applied eyeliner again. Customers note that it "definitely takes your selfie game to a new level," and that it makes you "feel like a Kardashian or another celebrity."
8. Be Conscious Of Your Speech Patterns
Another subconsciously-noted trait is your speech patterns. According to Dr. Bartell, "Pressured speech can stress people out, so learning how to talk slowly can be beneficial." Written by communicator Steve Brown, How to Talk So People Will Listen is a book that offers humorous stories and inventive tips in order to teach you how to effectively command a room, speak persuasively, and truly communicate with those around you. Reviewers are calling it a "must-have," and saying things like, "[This is] just what I was looking for. The author gives tips to those of us who need to perfect our social skills. It's a readable length and written in approachable language."
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