Funny Quotes For The Fourth Of July

firecracker popsicles on a plate
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Looking for a knee-slapper this Jul. 4? If so, these funny quotes for the Fourth of July holiday are your godsend. From Stephen Colbert to Mark Twain to Louis C.K., the authors of these quotes know how to make a joke about the U.S.A. — and if you've been slurping on beer and red, white, and blue jello shots all day, they're all bound to have you cracking up in no time at all.

These quotes stop at nothing to poke fun at Jul. 4, the way Americans celebrate it, and the founding fathers who signed the famous Declaration of Independence.

Nothing here crosses a line, but it does pick at all political parties, all traditions (whose idea was it to explode fireworks in the sky while spending the entire day drinking?), and all the many freaks (and I say that endearingly) that make up this great country. Have a blast reading through these funny quotes, and remember, no matter how much these authors make fun of America, there's really no place in the world that can even compare.

1. "I always have the most fun on the Fourth of July. You don't have to exchange any gifts. You just go to the beach and watch fireworks." — James Lafferty

2. "The United States is the only country with a known birthday." — James G. Blaine

3. "If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it." — Stephen Colbert

4. "Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels." — Mark Twain

5. "America's a family. We all yell at each other, and it all works out." — Louis C.K.

6. "Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." — George Bernard Shaw

7. "The Fourth of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives." — David Letterman

8. “It’s Fourth of July weekend, or, as I call it, Exploding Christmas.” — Stephen Colbert

Images: Jamie Grill/Tetra images/Getty Images; Giphy