How To Approach BDSM With Someone New, According To Experts

Shutterstock

When it comes to trying something in the bedroom with a new partner, things can feel a little daunting. The anxiety is two-fold, as trying anything new can be a little scary, but the conversation that needs to happen beforehand is also a task in itself. Communication is key when it comes to discussing your sex life with a partner, so here’s how to approach BDSM with someone new, according to the experts. Everyone has the right to a fulfilling, pleasurable sex life and if you’re wanting to explore some part of BDSM with a new partner, it may be easier than you think.

Dictionary.com defines BDSM as bondage and discipline (B and D), dominance and submission (D and S), and sadism and masochism (S and M). BDSM includes many erotic practices including using handcuffs and ties, power play, spanking, and so much more.

Speaking about how to approach BDSM with a new partner, sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight says: "I’d recommend kicking things off with conversation… of the kinky kind. Talking about what you might like to try, what you’d like your partner to do to you and vice versa provides a super safe space to explore your desires."

Shutterstock

Sammi Cole, who is a sex expert at Lovehoney says you need to make sure you ease into things. "When exploring BDSM with a new partner, it’s important to not spring the topic on them," she says, "Refrain from getting out the ties and restraints with no prior warning, as some BDSM activities (like being tied up) can make some people feel uncomfortable if they're not prepared, so it’s important to speak to your partner about their desires and limits first."

Sex doesn’t always have to be spoken about in a extremely serious way. Exploring BDSM with a partner can be really fun. Knight says, "You can experiment externally or internally, and by this I mean that you can either perform the physical acts, or use your imagination, whether that’s with erotic fiction, dirty talk, or by watching porn. No matter the sexual scenario, sex is an on going conversation and your comfort is paramount."

For those who aren't too familiar with BDSM, it may seem to be a fairly un-romantic activity. However, "BDSM can be soft, sensual and romantic as well as kinky and intensely thrilling," says Cole. "For those starting out in BDSM, try the lighter products first to help you discover what you like and your limits.” Introducing something like more "mild" like handcuffs, a blindfold, or feather tickler, could be the best first steps into BDSM.

Shutterstock

Cole says, “Wrist and ankle restraints with an easy release mechanism and blindfolds are great for those who are looking to explore BDSM for the first time. These entry level products not only allow you to experiment with the feeling of restraint, but blindfolds also add an element of sensory play.”

If you're keen to get started but aren't sure what to do first Knight says:

"I’d always recommend a light bondage kit to get you started, or to have as a staple in your bedside drawer. They usually have several items included that you can use on their own, or [you] create your own combinations for a tailored BDSM experience."

Whether you love it or hate it, the Fifty Shades of Grey series made BDSM far more accessible and part of the public conversation. Lovehoney has recently collaborated with Fifty Shades of Grey to develop a line of BDSM toys that will pique your curiosity. The Fifty Shades line includes a couple of kits — one comes with seven pieces of kit, and one with five.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Whether you want to invest in some new bedroom accessories or try some power play with your partner, you deserve to have a full sex life and shouldn’t be scared of looking into BDSM. So long as both you and your partner are on the same page and have full consent, it can be a great way to get closer and spice things up in the bedroom.