If Your Partner Ever Says Any Of These 7 Things To You, It Might Mean They’re Falling Out Of Love
When you're in a long-term relationship, there's nothing more worrisome than feeling your partner pull away from you. Their actions and the things they say can have you feeling like maybe they're starting to lose interest in you and the relationship. So how can you tell if your partner is falling out of love? According to experts, there are signs you can look out for if it's concerning you.
"All relationships can go through a rough patch and some go down a path of no return," Carmelia Ray, certified matchmaker and Host of Myx TV’s Mom vs Matchmaker, tells Bustle. As much as we'd all love to stay in the honeymoon period forever, it's not likely. The good news is, nothing's ever a lost cause until the relationship is completely done, so it's definitely something to bring up to them.
After all, healthy relationships require effort from both sides. "Both partners are responsible for creating a more secure environment so that the relationship can grow and flourish," Jane Reardon, licensed therapist and founder of RxBreakup, tells Bustle. And if your partner refuses to acknowledge how you feel, makes it your problem, or is unwilling to meet you halfway, then it's a good indicator this isn't the right relationship for you.
Although you can't really know for sure how someone is feeling until you ask, here are things they say that might indicate your partner is falling out of love, according to experts.
1. "I Just Have A Lot Of Other Things Going On Right Now"
Work and other important obligations can make a person extremely busy. But if your partner has suddenly turned into a workaholic or is suddenly never around because they've been making plans 24/7 without you, it could be a sign they're choosing something else over connection with you. "If you notice they're having to help another friend move over the weekend, go shopping for their mom or run errands for a buddy, it may be a sign they'd rather be helping others, than nurturing your relationship," Ray says.
What you can do: A great way to solve the busy schedule issue is to ask your partner how you can help to create some free time to spend together. You could also ask if you can offer assistance to their friends or family so you can do things together, instead of apart. "Your partner will get the hint that you miss them," she says. But if they do notice that they're not placing time together on their priority list, they may be falling out of love.
2. "We're Already Together. Why Do I Still Need To Impress You?"
Romance, attraction, and flirtation are still needed to help keep that spark alive. Of course, couples get comfortable with each other over time, but if your partner has stopped putting any effort in romance or flirtation entirely, it may be something worth addressing, says Ray.
What you can do: When you notice that your partner stops putting in the effort, bring the flirtation back into the relationship. "Remind them of the love you have for each other," Nina Rubin, M.A., life coach and relationship expert, tells Bustle. "Keep it light and be confident like you were when you first met."
If your confidence has taken a hit due to your partner's lack of effort, Rubin says it's important to do things that make you feel happy so you won't create anymore anxiety for yourself. When you're happy and less anxious, flirting will be fun and more natural. "This may seem like a tall order, but you may need to remind yourself of why you're lovable so they can also recall," she says.
3. "I'm Just Not Interested In Going Out With Your Friends"
It's totally OK for partners to want alone time every now and then. But according to Ray, people who begin to fall out of love or question their feelings inside a relationship start to withdraw in all areas of the relationship. "They'll stop going to important family functions, company functions or any opportunity to show up as a couple," she says. "If they have doubts about your relationship, they're not about to make themselves look bad in front of your friends and family." In other words, they'd rather hide out than fake it.
What you can do: "Let them know how positive and reassuring it makes you feel when they come with you to you important events," Ray says. Tell your partner how much you love their company and how your friends, family and those who meet them really like them too. "Your partner may gain a sense of community and be reminded of the good times you've shared in the past," she says. Who knows? They might want to start going with you again.
4. "You Already Know Where This Relationship Is Going"
You may already have an idea of where your partner sees your relationship going. But if your partner brushes off conversations about taking your relationship to the next level, that could be a sign they might be falling out of love.
What you can do: If your partner never seems to talk about your future, Ray says it may be in your best interest to bring it up. "It's important that you don't ask it in a demanding way," she says. Instead, you always want to make the approach with "a loving curiosity and wonderment" about the life you want to create with them. "If they're authentic, they may actually share their feelings with you about what they're really thinking about when it comes to your future together," she says.
5. "We'll See", After You Try To Make Date Night Plans For Next Weekend
A partner who's committed to a long-term partnership and to your needs, wants. and feelings will do their best to keep their word. So if your partner constantly flakes on you or can't make plans in advance, that's a sign they may be falling out of love. "At the foundation of all great relationships is trust," Ray says. "If your partner starts to create a lack of trust and doubt based on their behavior, it's time to pull your relationship together."
What you can do: If certain dates are important to you, Ray says you can take it upon yourself to help your partner remember those important dates. You can do that by setting an alarm or calendar reminder their phone, in addition to reminding them verbally. "If your partner seems to break plans often, you must be clear in communicating the impact it has on you and on your relationship," she says. It's important to assess if your partner is really invested in the relationship or just after their own needs.
6. "Did You Make Sure To Get All Your Stuff?"
If your partner starts pointing out that you keep leaving things at their place when it hasn't been a problem before, Ray says that may be a sign something is off. If you just feel like the intimacy in your relationship is off in general, that's a sign they may be falling out of love.
What you can do: "Although it may be very uncomfortable and confronting to bring up any concerns, insecurity or your own hurt feelings, honesty and authenticity always brings out the truth and best in relationships," she says. Being in a relationship requires a certain amount of compromise and cooperation. You need to know where they stand in the relationship and if there is anything you can both do to keep the spark alive. Blaming your partner for what's happening in your relationship is not the answer. Instead, "taking responsibility and showing a genuine curiosity and concern for your share in the breakdown, will cause them to let their guard down and hopefully feel safe enough to open up to you," she says.
7. "Sorry I Forgot To Tell You, I Changed My Passwords Last Week"
If your partner suddenly changes their passwords on their devices or just adds one that wasn't previously there, it may indicate far more than them falling out of love. "That's a sign of shady and unexpected behavior that would cause alarm to anyone dating someone who's seemingly hiding things," Ray says.
What you can do: Instead of attacking your partner or speaking with your partner in an angry tone, take a step back. "Wait until you can speak without emotions leading and express your concern about your partner's new behavior and why they feel the need to suddenly protect their private information," she says. Everyone is entitled to their privacy, but if it happens without them informing you, it can be cause for concern.
If you feel your partner is pulling away or falling out of love it's OK to bring it up, but just make sure you really hear them out. "Be mindful of how you ask them, and make sure it’s open and understanding, not blaming," licensed marriage and family therapist, Kati Morton, tells Bustle. "Hear them out and make sure they hear you concerns as well. That’s the only way you can make sure you're are working together on the relationship."
And if you find out they're not in love with you? Remember you've done all you can do. "We are only responsible for how we engage with them," she says. "But if they say they aren’t in love anymore, then it’s best we let them go and move on."
Equal investment from both partners is important for a relationship to work and function smoothly. If you feel like you're not getting your fair share of love, don't be afraid to bring it up. As Morton says, we all deserve a reciprocal relationship where you partner loves you just as much as you love them.