John Oliver Is Actually Selling A Butt Wipe For $1 Million

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When you heard that John Oliver took down conspiracy theorist extraordinaire Alex Jones on Last Week Tonight, you knew it was going to be good — but maybe you didn't expect it to be this good. As part of a segment detailing how Jones makes money off the poor souls who believe all of his fear-mongering, Oliver himself debuted a product to rival any of Jones' greatest creations. Before you ask, yes, John Oliver's "Infowipes" is real. You can actually buy John Oliver's Moisture Armored Tactical Assault Wipe, currently retailing for $1 million.

If you watch Oliver's whole Alex Jones segment, which you definitely should, you'll learn a lot — namely, that Jones basically has a product to sell that remedies each of the conspiracies that he gets people up in arms about. Worried about chemicals in the water that are turning the frogs gay? Don't worry, you can buy one of Jones' water filters for that — at a hefty mark-up. Concerned that you might need extra strength to fight off the haters? How about a $45 tub of Caveman, the chocolate-flavored bone broth, made with real chicken collagen? Need to clean your whole body, but you don't trust a normal wet-wipe to do it? Never fear, you can buy "Combat One Tactical Bath Wipes," which the Infowars website informs you can be "used anywhere needed, including the perineal area." That, perhaps, is why the packet of moist towelettes costs $10. In case you missed the extremely informative diagram that Oliver then showed to explain what the perineal area is, he spelled it out in words as well: "That's right, Alex Jones is trying to sell you sloppy wet wipes for your taint."

Not wanting to be left out of the fun, John Oliver himself takes a whack at Jones' strategy at the end of the segment, when he calls on a questionable "medical expert" much like Dr. Edward Group, who often helps Jones hawk his various versions of snake oil. Group, despite his claims of holding multiple degrees from such fine institutions as MIT, doesn't even have a bachelor's degree. And Oliver's lab coat-clad colleague, it can be assumed, also has no such qualifications — but he's more than qualified to help Oliver explain the necessity of buying his Tactical Assault Wipes, available at the aptly named website.

The wipes, Oliver says, come in golden packages, and are "the first tactical wipe for use exclusively on the perineal." And if you go to the website, you'll see large, glaring buttons imploring you to "Buy now," in case you're willing to part with the $1 million that each pack costs. Just one little hitch — if you dare to click on one of the "buy now" buttons, you'll be disappointed to see that it just directs you to the HBO Store, and you won't find any Tactical Assault Wipes in the Last Week Tonight section of the store. Perhaps there's been a small delay in stocking things up? Or else, maybe John Oliver is trying to teach all of us a lesson — buy your moist towelettes at the grocery store, and don't listen to people using faux-medical advice to say that their products are necessary.