Finally, after years of public adoration for the treat, America's #1 ice cream lover is getting the recognition he deserves. That's right — please join me in welcoming the Joe Biden ice cream flavor into this world. Never let it be said the media only covers depressing news, because this is as adorable as it gets.
In case you were too busy frolicking in the flowers to pay attention to politics during Barack Obama's presidency (a luxury none of us appreciated at the time), Biden really, truly loves ice cream. Like, more than the kids who chase after ice cream trucks in '90s cartoons. He's been spotted numerous times with a cone proudly in hand, sometimes accessorized with wads of cash. His obsession is so widely-known that he's eaten it during late-night TV show interviews, and last year, he began a speech with the declaration, "My name is Joe Biden and I love ice cream." There's even a Tumblr dedicated to pictures of Biden munching on a cone. Clearly, this is a man who loves his frozen dairy treats.
At long last, his dedication to the cult of ice cream has been rewarded. According to the Cornell Daily Sun, Cornell University will present Biden with an ice cream flavor named after him before his convocation speech on May 27. After a student made the suggestion, the Cornell Dairy did some research into Biden's favorite flavor. Upon finding out he prefers old-fashioned chocolate chip, the Cornell Dairy created a vanilla ice cream filled with chocolate chips especially for the Internet's favorite hot grandpa.
it's a beautiful day but not as beautiful as this picture of joe biden eating ice cream pic.twitter.com/Xp12jW6VL7— thomas a moore 🎈 (@Thomas_A_Moore) February 21, 2017
Although Cornell students are still voting on the flavor's name, the initial 150 submissions have been narrowed down to five contenders, one of which will be chosen before the former veep's speech. The ice cream lover himself hasn't spoken publicly about the honor yet. If the past is any indication, though, he may see it as an opportunity to celebrate with an extra scoop — or four.
Find someone who looks at you like Joe Biden looks at his second cone of ice cream pic.twitter.com/SnWuZB59PH— Manu Gargeya (@mgargeya) May 3, 2017
Although the idea may have stemmed from Biden's sweet tooth, I'd say Cornell is on to something. Who needs shiny medals and award ceremonies when your name can be emblazoned on a tub of ice cream? Biden will always be the world's most enthusiastic ice cream consumer, but here are five people (plus one Muppet) that deserve their own ice cream flavors.
You already know and (presumably) love Gloria Steinem, one of the most prominent feminists in the world. Let's honor her with Gloria-s Green Tea ice cream.
Actions speak louder than words, and disappointed diva-glares speak the loudest of all. pic.twitter.com/sE7ujGDE6J— Miss Piggy (@MissPiggy) May 15, 2017
Miss Piggy has been named a feminist icon, and she's certainly left her mark on pop culture. Is it insensitive to suggest naming bacon ice cream after her?
She may have lost the electoral vote last November, but she won in our hearts. (Seriously. Look at the popular vote tallies.) Getting your own ice cream flavor is only a few steps down from being POTUS, right? I'd vote for rum raisin, mostly as a nod to all the rum Americans are consuming to deal with Donald Trump's presidency.
Coconuts and fruit are all over Kahlo's art, particularly her paintings from the end of the Mexican painter's life. Coconut ice cream is the perfect tribute.
5The Women's March Organizers
The Women's March in January was a big freakin' deal. Something tells me the organizers could use an ice cream break — maybe some Rocky Road?
6Francesco Procopio Cuto
It's hard to tell exactly who invented ice cream, but Sicilian chef Francesco Procopio Cuto is thought to have been the first to serve gelato in his famous French cafe in the late 1700's. That's the kind of accomplishment that deserves its own ice cream flavor.