Eventually, things come full circle or they reach their natural conclusion. Pretty soon we'll all be eating rose gold freakshakes, not caring that the flakes of gold slice our insides of the way down, because it just looks so damn good on Instagram. Maybe they'll just start putting expensive spinning classes inside of giant bottles of green juice to save us all time. But this particular natural conclusion is one that I can get behind, mainly because it's a mashup of two of my favorite things — emoji sex toys — emoji effing sex toys. And they're just as ridiculous as they sound.
They're actually called Oh-Moji Vibrators, because of course they are — and they're available from sex toy juggernaut Lovehoney. They're affordable mini wands that come in three different emoji face designs and frankly, Lovehoney's description of the designs is one of my favorite things to ever happen to the internet. Here's how they broke it down:
- Heart eyes - a simple way of saying ‘I love you’ and the most popular emoji symbol for sex
- Kisses - a flirting emoji and also a romantic way of saying goodbye
- Tongue out - a fun way of denoting “thirst”
That's right. "A fun way of denoting 'thirst'" is what I want put on my tombstone. You heard it here first, people.
But all jokes aside, adding some irreverence and silliness into sex toys isn't a bad idea, especially since vibrators can feel intimidating to beginners. "Emojis have become the new language of love and a flirty exchange with your partner is not complete without one of the symbols," Lovehoney product director Bonny Hall said in a press release shared with Bustle. "They add humor to messages and are a brilliant shorthand for suggestive behavior. We thought it would be fun to join the emoji craze with a sex toy collection which celebrates how they have sparked millions of romances around the world. It’s a great way for emoji fans to say ‘I love you’ and add a bit of excitement to sex.” And to celebrate the U.S. launch, the toys are available for $29.99, rather than their normal price of $39.99.
As for the toys, though the designs may be silly, they are not messing around. Three speeds, eight vibration patterns, and USB-charging means it's a handy, powerful sex toy. Plus, it's compact and it fits comfortably in the palm of your hand. So, if you're looking for a portable toy to take on vacation with you this summer, an emoji vibe might do the trick. And if the security guard at the airport finds it in your bag, it'll be much easier to laugh off.
While these toys seems like a fun option for a great vibe, and emojis are fun, flirty, and silly and we use them all the time, what's the message of having one on the head of your vibrator? Are you blowing your clit a kiss? Are you looking at your vagina with heart eyes? Is that tongue sticking out meant to be getting a workout? Perhaps it all remains to be seen.
People choose vibrators for different reasons. Some people are diehard fans of a certain brand, others are into the power a toy can pack, while some are more about the packaging and aesthetic. If you fall into the latter category, and you like whimsical air in your masturbation routine, then the Oh-Moji sex toy collection might be the right fit for you. They're about as millennial as it gets — but it looks like they can get the job done too.