All The Reasons Ivanka Trump's Eye Color Doesn't Matter

by Jessicah Lahitou
Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

There's actually no way (certainly, no space) to go into all the reasons for not spending valuable print and limited reader attention on something as trivial as the particular color of Ivanka Trump's eyes. And yet, there's new talk of just that today, centering around what appears to be a very long-running question: are they brown or green? I have a better question: why should anyone care?

One good reason not to is that the U.S. is involved in some heavy duty, potentially map-altering foreign policy. Last week, President Trump ordered a missile strike on a Syrian airbase, in the first official military move against President Bashar Al-Assad's side in the civil war. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is in Russia, a nation that happens to currently be allied with Syria, and probably won't take too kindly to Tillerson's ultimatum: us or Assad.

There's also the pesky **little** issue of North Korea, where Kim Jong Un has tested ballistic range missiles. North Korea is pursuing weapons that can carry nuclear warheads to far off places — places like California. The U.S. also just indicated its willingness to do something about North Korea, even if it means going it solo.

Remind me again: are Ivanka's eyes brown or green? Or hazel!?

Another reason not to care is the dangerous buffoonery on display in the White House press room. Just yesterday, Sean Spicer bumbled his way into basically arguing that Hitler was not so bad because he didn't use chemical weapons on "his own people." Of course, Hitler did use gas to kill between 160,000 - 180,000 German Jews. Were they not German? Or were they, perhaps, not German "enough?" Why did Spicer call concentration camps "Holocaust centers?" These are questions without any answer that could reasonably be called "good." At best, it's demonstrative of a White House perilously untethered to historic facts and way too comfortable with anti-Semitism.

But what we really need to focus on is figuring out whether or not Ivanka wears colored contacts, right? Because she might show up with blue eyes next. What even are we going to do!?

Might I offer a few other stories for your attention consideration? Venezuela is in a state of brutal economic hardship and political upheaval. There are millions of Syrian refugees in need of a peaceful home to return to, and a temporary haven in the meantime. The people of South Sudan are facing the highest threat of famine in 70 years.

None of this is to say being anyone must be serious and somber all the time. There is space in life for frivolities. Ice cream in the park, Netflix binge-watching, even gossip magazine or tabloid perusals — I fully support all of the above.

But Ivanka Trump is officially an adviser to the president. Reportedly, she urged the POTUS to use military action in Syria. Ivanka circulates in the most powerful circles in the world, and she's made it clear she'll be using her voice. It appears her father listens.

Ergo, reserve Ivanka Trump judgment for her job performance as adviser to the president. She's not a fashionista; she's a White House employee. And she'll be working to shape policy, regardless of what color her eyes happen to be.