If you're looking to incorporate a little BDSM play into your bedroom activities, there's one thing you should know from the jump — there's more to it than Fifty Shades of Grey might have lead you to believe. (In fact, many sex educators agree that the books and movies depict an extremely unsafe version of this kind of relationship — but I digress.) While you may think that getting kinky just means picking up some of the best BDSM toys and calling it a day, experts are quick to stress that there's so much more to BDSM than just stocking your goody drawer with the right accessories.
"Pre-negotiation with your partner, before any type of BDSM play, is absolutely necessary," says Alicia Sinclair, who is the founder and CEO of COTR, Inc. and a certified sex educator. "There needs to be clear consent and boundaries established prior to any play." Part of that consent is knowing exactly what you'll be doing with a specific toy during any given session. Since BDSM play can be incredibly intense, both physically and emotionally, it's important that both parties are informed and consenting — this isn't the time for surprises. "People who live a true BDSM lifestyle will be the first to instruct folks new to BDSM that negotiation and consent are absolutely necessary," Sinclair elaborates.
Once you pick up your toys, it's a good idea to test them in a non-sexual setting. "Test all quick-release mechanisms beforehand so that your partner can be released quickly in case of emergency," says Annabelle Knight, a sex expert for Lovehoney. She also suggests building up a BDSM first aid kit, with duplicate keys, safety instructions, lube, standard first aid kit supplies, sex toy cleaner, and specialty bandage scissors if you're using restraints. Make sure you have a safe word, too, so that you can suspend play if things get too intense for you or your partner.
This obviously isn't an exhaustive list of do's and don't's when it comes to using the best BDSM toys, which is why I'd suggest doing a little more research on the ethics before diving it. But the experts I've interviewed have a few more tips, which are sprinkled in with my picks, below.