Love is a many splendored thing, as the classic romance film would have you believe. Or as goth rock legends The Sisters of Mercy re-framed it, "a many splintered thing." Given the multitude of perceptions on how to do love just right, Twitter used Valentine's Day as an excuse to sort through all the fake love facts out there with the trending hashtag #FakeLoveFacts. Thoughtful, I know.
With the frightening proliferation of #AlternativeFacts at this moment in history, it's getting more and more difficult for certain folks to separate what is fact and what is fiction. Concepts such as objectivity and reason and the scientific method are becoming relics of the past, replaced with a new kind of absurdity that is threatening the sanity — and quite literally, the lives — of untold numbers of Americans. But, on the upside, at least we have Twitter to sort out what is patently ridiculous when it comes to love. This includes: stalking, talking about your ex constantly, telling your partner “I love you” to shut them up during an argument, and, of course, that the number of emoji used by your partner in a text is directly correlated to the intensity of their love for you. Here is a compilation of the best #FakeLoveFacts:
1. Love Is Best When It's Over The Top
Play hard to get. Don't text, don't call, don't answer the door. Move out of state. Change your name. Fake your own death. #FakeLoveFacts— Orangina Bo Beena (@LaNaranjaMala) February 12, 2017
2. Talking About Your Ex Always Helps A Relationship
#FakeLoveFacts— 🍺The Worst🍺 (@559lost) February 12, 2017
Woman loved being compared to your ex. It helps them improve.
3. There Are Lots Of Quick Fixes In Love
#FakeLoveFacts— Facebook Refugee💡 (@dadlook) February 12, 2017
If your marriage is struggling,
HAVE A BABY!
That'll fix everything.
The person who said "I love you" first automatically wins all arguments. #FakeLoveFacts— Tellia (@telliabear) February 12, 2017
If you change everything about yourself for them, they will love you forever. #FakeLoveFacts— K. (@kittykaresless) February 12, 2017
4. More Emojis = More Emotions
The more you love somebody, the more emojis you use when texting them. 😍😉😱😏😽🙈🙌👄👍💏❤️💕 #FakeLoveFacts— Elizabeth (@ElizabeththeMob) February 12, 2017
5. Love Comes In Limited Quantities
You only ever fall in love once. Remember that crush on your teacher in 4th grade? That counted. #FakeLoveFacts— Jillian B (@Jillianstardust) February 12, 2017
6. Romance Never Wanes
#FakeLoveFacts you will most definitely cuddle alllll the time. As well as falling asleep in each other's arms every night!— 🐢👊🏻 (@ninjasinjammies) February 12, 2017
7. Love Requires Little To No Work
If you reply to this you will find somebody to love within 15 minutes #FakeLoveFacts— Carl Hult (@Carlswall) February 12, 2017