The “Cards Against Humanity Saves America” Promotion Sold Out — But You Can Still Help

by Eliza Castile

Since the 2016 election, the American people have been waiting for someone to swoop in and save the day. At last, one company has heeded the call. On Tuesday, Cards Against Humanity announced its intention to save America with the aptly-titled holiday promotion Cards Against Humanity Saves America. But how could a self-professed "party game for horrible people" manage such a feat, you ask? By buying an empty plot of land along the border of the United States and Mexico to make it as expensive and convoluted as possible for Donald Trump to build his wall between the countries. Now that is true patriotism.

Naturally, you must be wondering how to get the 2017 Cards Against Humanity holiday pack, so you, too, can do your part to stop the border wall. Before you get too excited, there's good news and bad news. The good news is that the promotion has turned out to be wildly popular. The bad news is that all 150,000 slots sold out within nine hours, and a spokesperson for the company confirmed to Bustle over email that no more slots will open up. If you weren't one of the people who snagged Cards Against Humanity Saves America while it was still available, you're out of luck. Womp, womp.

For the uninitiated, Cards Against Humanity is a staple at any party featuring people under the age of 45. Sold for about $25, the politically incorrect card game asks players to take turns reading suggestion cards and reacting with dark, explicit, or otherwise impolite response cards. The winner of each round usually ends up being whoever creates the most absurdly inappropriate combination of cards that would get them grounded for life if their mother ever found out they put it together.

The game is known for its ridiculous marketing campaigns, which have included a Black Friday promotion where customers could pay $5 for absolutely nothing and a pack of cards "for her," identical in every way to the original game save for the fact that it was pink and cost more. This year, for $15, the company promised to send six "America-saving surprises" throughout the month of December to anyone who bought the promotion.

"It will be fun, it will be weird, and if you voted for Trump, you might want to sit this one out," the website states.

I'll let Cards Against Humanity explain the first surprise.

"Donald Trump is a preposterous golem who is afraid of Mexicans. He is so afraid that he wants to build a twenty-billion dollar wall that everyone knows will accomplish nothing. So we’ve purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built."

Everyone who purchased Cards Against Humanity Saves America will receive a map of the land, new cards for the game, a certificate promising to fight the wall, and "a few other surprises." If you're thinking this sounds too preposterous to be true, a spokesperson for the company confirmed that it did indeed buy the land and retain a law firm to defend it.

As far as the other five surprises go, though, Cards Against Humanity has kept mum. "The nature of a surprise is that it surprises you when it occurs," reads the website.

Even if you missed out on saving America via card game, you can still join in the effort to prevent the construction of the border wall. Donate to the Nuestra Tierra Conservation Project, or call your local representatives to remind them that most Americans oppose the wall. It's not anywhere near as fun as waiting for surprises from Cards Against Humanity in the mail, but hey — you snooze, you lose. Make up for it by being extra inappropriate next time you play the game.