Warning: Pretty much everything you're about to read is a major spoiler. While most TV trailers for upcoming seasons tend to gently tease out where their characters last left off, Netflix just released the trailer for Season 3B of Fuller House, and it comes with a full-fledged spoiler warning right at the top. Granted, Fuller House isn't exactly Game of Thrones in terms of shocking plot twists — and, to be fair, they do warn us that spoilers are coming — but still. Despite everything that the trailer gives away, though, it seems like we'll still have to watch the full season to see how the ever-present DJ/Matt/Steve love-triangle plays out, once and for all.
The trailer opens with a guarantee that, in the second half of Season 3, we'll get plenty more of all the things we've come to expect and love from Netflix's sugary-sweet, crazy-campy, Full House reboot: hugs, original dance numbers, and cute babies with dogs. Phew! What a relief! After that, though, they just straight-up start spilling spoilers — and boy, do they cram a lot of them into the less-than-90-seconds spot.
When we last saw the Tanners & Co., the whole gang (minus Tommy) was heading to Tokyo for Steve and CJ's wedding. We get a quick glimpse of their arrival, followed by Spoiler #1: a shot of the She-Wolf Pack (Stephanie, DJ, and Kimmy) in a tattoo parlor, presumably all getting matching (she-wolf?) tattoos. Not exactly mind-blowing, but a spoiler nonetheless.
The second spoiler, however, is a tad more revealing. We already knew that Stephanie was considering an in-vitro pregnancy, but now it appears as if Kimmy, whose "oven is pre-heated and easy-bake," according to the clip, may be the surrogate that carries Stephanie's kid (the kid that Stephanie plans on having with her boyfriend, Jimmy, who happens to be Kimmy's younger brother).
Then there's Spoiler #3, wherein Matt proposes to DJ and Steve has second thoughts about marrying CJ, wondering if he's meant to be with DJ instead. Thankfully, we don't get to see how all of this pans out, so there may be a reason to watch after all.
The Season 3B trailer isn't all spoilers, though. In true Fuller House fashion, there's plenty of general tomfoolery, too. We get a clip of Jackson and Ramona at a cat cafe (a must-see for many Tokyo tourists), a knee-slapping scene where Danny, Joey, and Jesse all wake up together in the same bed (so silly, those guys), a flash-dancing Fernando decked-out in leg-warmers (for reasons that remain unseen — but who really needs a reason to flash-dance?), and several shots of the rest of the gang in sundry goofy get-ups.
With all this focus on the trailer's adult-centered drama, though, it's easy to forget that the Fuller House kids had storylines, too. Here's where we last left off with the Tiny Tanners & Co.: Jackson (DJ's oldest son) passes summer school, thanks, in-part, to some study sessions with Rocki (the mischievous daughter of Gia, aka DJ's teenage nemesis). He gets dumped by dream-girl, Lola, about halfway through the season, but ends up using his newfound free-time to do real-world work as a receptionist at DJ and Matt's veterinary clinic. Wild-child Ramona, Kimmy and Fernando's only kid, gets her first hickey from her fedora-loving boyfriend, Popko, but later gives him the boot after he asks if he can see other girls while she's in Tokyo. (Good call, Ramona.) And last but not least, there's DJ's middle son, Max: still adorable as ever, and seemingly going strong with his little love, Rose (CJ's daughter).
Season 3B doesn't come out until Dec. 22, but the spoiler-heavy trailer has left us with a few pressing questions to ponder in the meantime: Will Kimmy end up carrying Stephanie and Jimmy's baby? Will DJ say "yes" to Matt's proposal? Will Steve leave CJ for what-could-be with DJ? And what about Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky and their new addition? We'll all just have to wait and see.