Of all the things I expected to type today, “controversial French fry ranking” was not one of them — but, well, here we are: A controversial French fry ranking has been making the rounds on Twitter this week, and it is tearing. The internet. Apart. It seems that people have very strong feelings about French fries, and they are not at all shy about expressing them. Which, I mean, is fair; fried potatoes are serious business, after all. But I’m talking two houses, both alike in dignity, breaking from ancient grudge to new mutiny-level conflict — that’s how dramatic it all is.
At the center of this intense disagreement is an infographic. The funny thing is that it isn’t even a new infographic; purporting to rank all the styles of French fries that exist in the world, it was originally created and published by foodie site Food Republic in March of 2016. After Twitter user @CriminelleLaw tweeted it over the weekend, however, it received a new lease on life… although if infographics were sentient, I’m not really sure this one would be celebrating its resurgence. It would probably just wish that everyone would leave it alone and stop yelling at it.
You see, @CriminelleLaw was spot on with the message accompanying the infographic: It is, indeed, the most controversial ranking many of us have ever seen on Twitter. Behold:
*view at your own risk*— Criminelle Law (@CriminelleLaw) June 10, 2017
This is the most controversial ranking I've ever seen on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/mQLjgIFZEl
Indeed, this infographic seems to have awakened a depth of feeling about a common foodstuff many were probably unaware that they even had. For days now, the battle has been raging hot and fierce, with alliances between fellow fry lovers being broken as quickly as they were first made.
Out of all the thoughts and opinions that have emerged from this unexpectedly epic debate, though, what I’ve been most surprised about is where my own tastes lie on the spectrum of fry-worthiness. I’ve written about a good deal of controversial topics over the years, but apparently my most contentious opinions are the following: I actually quite like tater tots (it’s a texture thing), and given the choice between sweet potato fries and regular potato fries, I will always, always pick sweet potato fries.
It seems that I am very much in the minority on these two points.
To be fair, I can understand the anti-tater tot sentiment that seems to run so strongly through this intense discussion; they’re kind of like that really terrible movie you keep watching over and over again, despite the fact that you are deeply aware of how bad it is. Tater tots are trash, and I love them anyway. The vehemence leveled against sweet potato fries, however, is a little more difficult for me to parse, because sweet potato fries are delicious.
Apparently that is just me, though. Very well; I shall own it.
For what it’s worth, the ranking’s creator, Jess Kapadia, acknowledges the ranking’s controversial nature; indeed, it’s apparently had a troubled life since the very beginning. “I’ll admit that I put waffle fries as my first pick. [But] our editorial almost went so far as to change the final result because he just doesn’t have that kind of love for waffle fries,” she said to the Daily Dot. “We had as much conflict among ourelves as we’ve seen in the comments, both when it originally posted and now. I had chef friends spamming my Facebook page alternately with praise and hate.”
For those who are curious about what exactly is wrong with the ranking, here is a small but colorful selection of arguments people have made against it:
Curly Fries Deserve Better
IT IS CRIMINAL TO RANK CURLY FRIES NUMBER SIX YES I CORRECTED THE TWEET 😂😂😂— kylie sparks (@kyliesparks) June 11, 2017
Putting curly fries so far down the list makes me suspicious of the author as a person.— Nicole (@MadrasAndPearls) June 10, 2017
in what sick world are tater tots better than curly fries? pic.twitter.com/omLtfyuWSl— Ines Helene (@inihelene) June 12, 2017
...Or Do They?
My dislike for curly fries goes back to college. Everybody's local favorite were too greasy to me. Soggy w/grease, and ruined them forever.— Milo Rambaldi 🐒💤 (@milo__rambaldi) June 10, 2017
Cheese Fries Got Robbed
But how are cheese fries number 9.— CityLifeLove (@CityLifeLove) June 10, 2017
Ranking tater tots at 3 and cheese fries at 9 should be considered a crime https://t.co/bDsbYC7rc5— Greg Dreibelbis (@GregD55) June 12, 2017
Shoestring fries are trash. Engrave this on my headstone, this is a hill I am literally willing to die on cc: @buzz— Meowrey (@meowrey) June 11, 2017
Smiley Faces Are The Ringer Of The Bunch
Bullshit!— Kaj-Erik Eriksen (@KajEriksen) June 11, 2017
Smiley fries should be #1.
Don't @ me!
Smiley faces number 18? Fuck off.— Jordan (@JordySloan) June 11, 2017
There Have Been Some Grave Omissions
Add disco fries and get potato tornado the fuck out of town— Mike Trainor (@TheMikeTrainor) June 11, 2017
VERY Grave Omissions
Left off poutine fries. Travesty.— Namby Pamby (@thenambypamby) June 10, 2017
Everyone Hates Tater Tots
Also my first thought— Stephen Kenwright (@stekenwright) June 10, 2017
As a Brit we don't understand tater tots, do not like
tater tots even being on this list makes my blood boil— Ricky Reed (@rickyreed) June 11, 2017
Tater tots are not fries. I'll fight them on this.— Mud On My Tiara (@dirty_crowns) June 10, 2017
Everyone Also Hates Sweet Potato Fries
Sweet potato fries are simply offensive!— Ness (@NessieBJenkins) June 10, 2017
That "Fries" ranking list being passed around is okay, but sweet potato fries are fake fries and are bad. Willing to fight about it.— Boring At Parties (@lawduckfan) June 12, 2017
I feel like sweet potato fries deserve a lower ranking— allisun (@oweatherwatcher) June 12, 2017
Waffle Fries Are Overrated
Oh hell no waffle fries hell aint #1— Russputin (@Kierkegaard30) June 10, 2017
I like waffle fries and I agree they should not be there.— Liz Zimmermann (@whyiamcrazy) June 10, 2017
In what universe do waffle cut fries deserve to be ranked for anything whatsoever?? This is biased nonsense and I refuse to entertain it.— Nsoromma (@duafe) June 11, 2017
Belgian Frites Are Underrated
Clearly We're Thinking About Fry Toppings All Wrong
Garlic curly cheese fries should be #1— Adam Singer (@AdamSinger) June 10, 2017
Why limit yourself to one when you could have all of them?
But Really, This Is Where We're All At Right Now:
Head over to @CriminelleLaw's original tweet to see the astonishingly massive thread it's since inspired. Agree? Disagree? Maybe we should... all just agree to disagree? I don't even know anymore. I think I need to go lie down for a while. It's all just too much.