Given that it is 2017, I've come to expect the internet (and honestly, just most things in general) to disappoint me. Every now and then, though, there is a little bright spot that pokes through all the nonsense. Sometimes it's a great story, an amazing tweet, or a Seamless discount code I found on a sketchy website that actually worked. Other times it is a chunky mohair, full-body-length scarf that brings me so much joy I just have to share it. Originally discovered by The Cut, this amazing knitted creation is about as impractical as it gets and yet somehow also every single thing I've ever needed. For all those the days when you don't want to deal with the world, or (literally) see anyone at all, there is this scarf. So step aside weighted blankets, mermaid tall crocheted creations, and hygge-fied throws, because the XXL snood is here to replace you all.
Sold on Dukyana, a site that sells various knitted accessories, the made-to-order body snood retails for a cool $280. Sure, that might be a lot for any other scarf, but isn't it clear that this is so much more than that? And while it's not available to buy right this second, you can still place an order and have it ready in up to two weeks, according to the site.
Chunky Mohair Tube Scarf In Beige Mix, $280, Dukyana
Now, it's fair to mention that the tube scarf still begs a few questions, of course. For example, does one wear clothes under the snood? If you fall down while wearing the item, are you able to get up, or will your arms be trapped inside the scarf until further notice? Can you style it like a tube tope, freeing your arms for other activities? On the off chance that you should want to interact with others or actually do anything productive with your life, does it provide stretch? Is mohair breathable?
It's true that there is still quite a lot to figure out here, but it's also true that this glorious tube scarf is the answer to a question many of us are probably asking this time of year: How can I stay comfortable while also ignoring everyone and everything around me?
Should you want to simply lay down on the ground and cocoon yourself in a mohair knit during a family function this holiday (same), this item provides you the opportunity to do so. One minute you're discussing politics with Aunt Karen, the next you're laying on the ground, surrounded by warmth, darkness, and $280 of pure seclusion. You'll most likely find it's surprisingly difficult to get into a debate when you're curled in a ball within what is essentially an eight-foot-long sweater sleeve.
Plus, there is the added bonus chance that wearing this to a party will simply make people avoid talking to you in general because, you know, it's a lot. And, hey, if you do want to make the body snood a conversation-starter at a party, you have that going for you, too. Why talk about Donald Trump when you can discuss the fact that you are wearing what is basically a giant sock?
The tube scarf is not going to be for everyone. Practically speaking, it's probably more accurate to say it's for no one at all. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. Some people say that holiday dressing is all about pushing past your comfort zones. Me? I think it's exactly the opposite. Lean into the coziness, get over the fact that you will look totally absurd, and embrace what holiday and the winter season is all about: trying to avoid conversations you don't want to have and staying warm.