This 'Game Of Thrones' Makeup Tutorial Is The Hilarious Beauty Lesson You Didn't Know You Needed

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If you're one of the many, many people who's nothing short of stoked for the season premiere of Game Of Thrones on Sunday, July 16, you're probably asking yourself one thing: What beauty look should I go for to celebrate? OK, you're probably not asking yourself that. But celebrity makeup artist Jamie Greenberg is answering the question you didn't know you needed with a hysterical Game of Thrones beauty tutorial.

In a tutorial posted on YouTube, Greenberg imagines what it would be like if Khaleesi was her client and she was using makeup in the Game of Thrones era. She's worked with her fair share of high-profile clients — Kaley Cuoco, Rashida Jones, and Chelsea Handler, to name just a few — but the Mother of Dragons would be a new challenge.

"I tried to find as many things as I could think of that I would put in my kit if i was going to do Khaleesi," says Greenberg. Needless to say, hilarity ensued.

Granted, it's not exactly a "come hither" look. Quite the opposite, in fact. "Throw on this entire look and I'm sure you will deter anyone or anything from coming near you," she says. Which sort of makes sense in Game of Thrones times, I guess.

Jamie Makeup on YouTube

Here's a step-by-step on how to ~get the look~.

First, Ash Eyeshadow

"Burn, baby burn, disco inferno," says Greenberg. "I burned these little kindlings of sticks and I made ash, so then I thought we could use the ash as a smoky eye situation." She looked for a feather, but decided they probably would've just used their hands anyway.

Next, Some Nice, Subtle Contour

"I took some rocks from outside and I grinded them as much as I could and we got this red powder, which is amazing. I thought it would be good for contour," says Greenberg.

A Little Lip Color Makes A Statement, Too

"There was a vagrant in the jail and I took some blood from him," says Greenberg. "So I was thinking we could use blood as maybe a lip stain."

And When You Have Contour, You Need Highlight Too, Right?

"I'm thinking what we could do for the highlight is to kind of scale this fish," says Greenberg. If you're wondering how that works, she uses her lance to sort of "massage" this fish (which she swears was already dead). And it turns out pretty well: "Fish might be the new highlighter!"

Cherries Made For A Tame, But Effective Cheek Stain

She's right — that works pretty well, actually.

Because Beautyblenders Didn't Exist Back Then, The Obvious Alternative Is A Dragon Egg

"Girl, you know, it don't matter where you are in time, you gotta blend your makeup," says Greenberg. Truth.

Finally, A Little Dusting Of Chicken Bone Powder Finishes The Look

To set the look, Greenberg uses "dust from thy chick-ine bone," adding, "if you want to look dead, this is gonna do it."

And that's it! "Wear this to your premiere party and tell me how it goes," she says. (Dare you.)