Every so often, the internet brings us a story so alarming, so depraved, so concerning, that we can't help but look on and wonder, "...Why?" This is one such story — the tale of Chris Jorgensen, a man who made a cheese and Pop-Tart sandwich, and the people of Twitter who just can't deal. After he tweeted about his, um, culinary adventures, the picture went viral, upsetting many who feel offended on behalf of cheese and Pop-Tarts everywhere. (Bustle has reached out to Jorgensen for comment and will update upon reply.)
According to the Des Moines Register, Jorgensen is a sophomore at Iowa State University, as well as a visual editor and photographer for the Iowa State Daily. Recently, Jorgensen was either insanely hungry or emotionally confused or maybe a little bit of both, and he decided to make himself a sandwich — made of toaster pastries and a slice of American cheese in the middle. I guess I should be happy that he technically used generic toaster pastries as opposed to the sacred Pop-Tarts; but really, I'm just too upset to care either way.
Nobody really knows what was behind the idea to combine two of America's greatest inventions into the most disgusting sandwich ever; but Jorgensen claims in his original tweet that it's an Iowa thing. Iowa, please tell Twitter this isn't true.
Something about this hurts my eyes.
The unthinkable combo sparked outrage, and tweeters minced no words. Basically, people would rather eat their foot then take a bite of this sandwich of confusion.
Jorgensen had one thing working in his favor: in the beginning, his tweet hadn't really blown up that much. Then, the Iowa State University Police retweeted it, along with there own little message — and that was the beginning of the end.
Alright, officer. The internet understands your anger, but let's not let things get too out of hand, here.
It didn't end there, though. Oh no. Next, Jorgensen's tweet made it to the top of Reddit, and all hell broke loose.
And in the midst of this whole mess, there is this hero, who reminded us that Kraft cheese deserves better than this.
Speaking to the Des Moines Register, Jorgensen shared that the sandwich was the innocent outcome of empty cupboards and nothing else to eat. "I thought: 'What could be the grossest thing I could put between two Pop-Tarts?' ... So I went to the fridge and got a cheese slice." Mission accomplished, sir. Jorgensen claims he wasn't even going to eat it, but his roommates said he had to, if he planned on tweeting about it. "There wasn't much cheese in the bite that I got," he said in a statement that makes nobody subjected to the image feel better about this. He also noted that the strawberry-flavored pastry isn't exactly his favorite; but suffice to say, he's got bigger problems to deal with right now.
To be fair, though, this wouldn't be the first time someone tried to make a sandwich using toaster pastries. In fact, Disney's Pop Century Resort has a breakfast dish consisting of eggs, bacon, and cheese sandwiched in between two frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts. The whole sandwich is then toasted, and the frosting and filling melt into the sandwich. I can't understand this, and I won't try.
There was also that time Carl's Jr. decided to start serving a Pop-Tart ice cream sandwich, but that is a combo of pastry and dairy that anyone can support.
And I know some of you out there have made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches using Pop-Tarts as bread. Don't lie. In fact, this is one toaster pastry sandwich the internet could possibly get behind — although the mere thought of trying to finish off two Pop-Tarts gives me cramps.
So maybe, just maybe, Jorgensen is on to something. Probably not, though.