Valentine’s Day is quickly creeping up on all of us, and you may be wondering, “How am I supposed to feel lovey-dovey and romantic at a time like this?!” Well, fear not, my lovelorn friends. Simply feast your eyes on this “Wine is my Valentine” glass from Target that can hold an entire bottle of wine, and soon all your troubles will wash away. Yes, the glass can hold one entire standard size bottle of vino. Is this a blessing? Is it a curse? Is it probably going to sell out soon because we are all predictable lil servants to Target? YES to all of the above!!!
The 25-ounce wine glass, nay, wine GOBLET comes etched with the words/mantra/public admission “Wine is my Valentine.” For context, the standard wine glass can hold about 12 ounces, though the typical serving of wine is about five ounces. For $6.59, you can ignore things like “serving size” and “responsibility” and order your very own goblet from Target.com. Hold it proudly, and let it be known to all that this year, your valentine is wine!
Target describes the glass as “the perfect date night companion” that “will bring enjoyment for years to come.” The glass will give you everything you need (AKA a whole ass bottle of wine)! It will stay with you forever! It will be your more reliable, long-lasting relationship! That is, of course, provided you don’t break it.
As the only product review for the “Wine is my Valentine” glass states, DO NOT, for the love of all that is wine, try to ‘cheers’ this glass with another glass. “Oh lover of wine, beware!” the customer warns, “This is not a toasting wine glass, but far from it. It is extremely fragile, as you will see, should you purchase this wonderful wine goblet.” This appears to be the only Catch-22 with the otherwise perfect product.
Now, you may scoff at a phrase as ~*bAsIc*~ as “Wine is my Valentine,” but that is exactly what this goblet wants. “Yes,” this goblet, which I’ve just decided is sentient, whispers. “Underestimate my power. Look down on my presumed suburban housewife status. This is how I thrive.”
If you’ve been anywhere near a Target or an Etsy shop near February 14, you know it is virtually impossible to avoid the phrase “Wine is my Valentine.” It is everywhere. On greeting cards. On tea towels. Even on underwear. “Wine is my Valentine” is becoming as pervasive as “Keep calm an carry on” and all its parodies and iterations. The more you try to escape it, the quicker it will find you.
“Wine is my Valentine” is four-word short story. It is a proud proclamation. It is a rallying call. It says, “I seek no mortal partner. Just wine and independence.” You could go so far as to say it is a feminist anthem...but that would probably be offensive.
“Why would anyone even need this glass?” you wonder, ignorantly. I’m so glad you asked. Here are just a few situations that call for a “Wine is my Valentine” goblet that can hold an entire bottle of wine:
- A Valentine’s Day party with friends who are all paired up
- A solo Valentine’s Day celebration *wink*
- When you’re going to a coffee shop and you want to bring your own reusable cup
- When you go home and your nosy aunt asks if you’re dating anyone
- When you want to go to a bar and you don’t want anyone to try to hit on you
- Because it’s 2019 and it’s already been a hard year and moderation is something we left behind in 2018
- A funny gift for a goofy friend
The possibilities, like the amount of wine you can drink from this glass, are basically endless. Cheers!