These Tweets About A Haunted House For Sale Are Scary AF

by Nia Decaille

I know what you might be thinking. Haunted? Pfft! That's ridiculous. But even if you don't believe in ghosts, there was something quite creepy about the house that author/poet Olivia Cole took a tour of along with her husband. For some of us that don't believe in the supernatural, being thoroughly weirded out is enough to cut your losses — even if there is a big closet and jacuzzi tub in the master bath. To anyone planning to make a big move or buy their first home like Cole, there is something to be gleaned from this disturbing tour. Luckily, Olivia Cole tweeted about her haunted house experience!

It's quite normal that while scrolling through her twitter thread recanting the tale, that you get a big of the heebie jeebies. Not only did she encounter doors that led to nowhere, but some had no key without further explanation. Yes, you read that right. Coming from a Afro-Caribbean culture that will readily grab the sage or lead a prayer at the first sign of trouble — or sometimes both — even my nonchalance for the spirit world was thoroughly shaken.

As Twitter would have it, at the very least, the story is hilariously creepy in what Cole calls her "white woman moment."

The story starts where they find the "gloomy" house on the couple's search for the perfect first home. It was raining, but Cole's husband definitely noticed that something wasn't right.

In the movies, there's usually an appeal to why a couple would be sane enough to buy something with unwanted guests. In this case, it's a combination of new house hunt jitters and the cuteness attached to the word "bungalow."

At this point, you might think her husband is just being skeptical. But somewhere in the book of "How To Not Buy A Haunted House" is written somewhere about instincts; trust them in yourself and the people you love.

Again, somewhere in that playbook or if you watch enough movies is the initial sign that it's a bad idea. In that case, it would be best to turn around and head the other way. Just like in an episode of American Horror Story, the protagonist ignores all of them.

Then, enter stage left, a series of unexplainable and odd encounters.

Another telltale sign that you should get the hell out of your current situation is if the person showing you the home can't answer your questions, tries to downplay your discovery, or responds with the following: "Oh, it's just the _____" or "Hmm ... I never noticed ____." At this point, the signs will keep coming. Don't ignore them!

To Cole's credit, the crown moulding was probably beautiful.

Oh, look. Another sign that goes ignored! As a an aside, Cole's meme game is tested and proven. She is, in fact, a comedian.

Another common thread in (insert your favorite exorcism movie) is denial. If your partner is suffering from this key ingredient to disaster, get ready because it's about to get worse.

If you aren't #TeamMr.Cole at this point, you either aren't buying any of this or are also in denial. In the latter case, you might be doomed. Also, does no one think that this agent came just a little unprepared?

OK, you're maybe not doomed. But when you finally start to wake up, this is the opportune time to get out!

You guessed it! The creepy tour continues.

This is a classic! Everyone knows you aren't supposed to go to the basement. The lesson here: Don't go to the basement.

*Inserts scary thriller music*

Listen up! Don't forget that you always have a choice. If you find yourself uncomfortable and with an agent that still can't give you reassuring answers, RUN!

You could say that it's never too late to high tail it out of there, but....

Now that the worst is assumed over, another tip to hold close is that this means something else is about to happen.

Usually, the person in denial tries to convince everyone else that they're just being paranoid. Don't believe them. Please.

Right here with you, Mr. Cole.

If you've scrolled down to this point, and don't heed anything else, you should know that you shouldn't move into that house/apartment if you've experienced anything similar. Maybe you're paranoid or trying to side step a very unfortunate situation.

Still #TeamMr.Cole? Me too.

Unlike the movies that have made us all a little too paranoid, you have to admit that this a lot funnier than The Conjuring.

Better yet, use this informative thread as a warning to protect yourselves. Know the signs of when to flee, don't ignore subtle signs and certainly don't buy a home where the agent is unprepared and acting a little off.