You've got to feel bad for Anthony Scaramucci today. One of the biggest joke gold mines of the century just got his marching orders, leaving the public eye for the immediate future at the very least. "I come to you tonight a broken man," Colbert told the studio audience of The Late Show, "'cause just this afternoon I was shocked by this breaking new-ch." Of course the rhyme gives it away. He's talking about the departure of former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci. Colbert bid Scaramucci farewell in an epic monologue that included singing him a rock ballad.
"The front-stabber has been backstabbed," Colbert announced. "He said he was going to fire everybody, and I've got to admit, he delivered. That is thorough." Colbert marveled at the length of his tenure with the administration. "10 days. 10?!" Colbert exclaimed. "That's not even a whole pay period. His going away party can serve what's left of his welcome cake. They can change 'Congratulations!' to 'Congratulater!'"
Then there's the reason why Scaramucci was let go. John Kelly, the new White House chief of staff, reportedly wants "more structure, less Game of Thrones." But Colbert didn't think that was a particularly fair comparison. "With Game of Thrones, you have to wait a whole week for a new beheading."
Also the timing is curious, Colbert pointed out, referencing a Trump tweet from Monday morning that said there was "no WH chaos!" "Evidently 'no White House chaos' wasn't bragging; it was complaining," Colbert joked.
The irony of the situation wasn't lost on Colbert. He pointed to how Scaramucci had recently told the entire White House staff, "You want to sell postcards to the tourists outside the gate or you want to work in the West Wing? What do you want to do?" Colbert then cut to a mock-up of Scaramucci on Pennsylvania Avenue standing next to a rack of, you guessed it, post cards.
The very best part of the roast, though, came when Colbert added to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." This time he added a verse (from the sad part) to sing to the Mooch:
Mama, I just got canned. Barely got to the White House; said some dumb stuff, now I'm out. Mama, my job had just begun. And now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mama, oooh ooochh. Didn't mean to cause outcry; I won't be back to mooch this time tomorrow. Carry on; carry on... without the old frontstabber.
In short, Colbert, or the "Colbooch" as he called himself Tuesday, is really going to miss the Mooch for the many jokes he could have gleaned from his continued stint at the White House. "I've been a huge fan of the Mooch for over a week now," Colbert said wistfully. Given the ridiculous jokes he had for the show — "Anthony Scaranucci, we hardly knew-chi" — you'll probably be missing him too.