What To Do When You're Tired Of Your Partner


If you've been with your partner a long time, it may be that at some point you find you're getting tired of each other. Don't panic. It's totally natural for there to be ebbs and flows in a relationship. And, while sometimes people do just fall out of love, it's often not that hard to remind yourself why you care about them so much in the first place.

Firstly, try something small. You don't always have to go that far out of your way to reignite your relationship — little signs of appreciation and remembering why you care about each other can do the trick. "From personal and professional experience, I'd suggest couples try to create little surprises to make the other member happy like showing up for a date with your partner's favorite cookies or bringing a small gift that signifies an inside joke," Gestalt life coach Nina Rubin tells Bustle.

The little gestures make such a difference in a relationship. But if you find that that's not enough, you may have to go bigger. Sometimes the change has to come from you — and sometimes it has to come from both of you — but there are plenty of things you can try to get the relationship back on track. Here' what you need to do.


Mix Up The Surroundings

The best way for things to stop feeling tired and dull? Try going somewhere new. "I also think it's important that couples get out of the TV routine and go out," Rubin says. "A night away feels very special or romantic, as does making a designated starvation at home where phones are not allowed for a period of time so the couple can truly connect and unwind together." If a night away isn't an option, even a new restaurant or bar or part of town can help mix things up.


Try Something Totally Different

You don't always have to go anywhere to try something different — tackling a new activity together can allow you to see your partner in a new light. "When you try new things together you are creating shared experiences that are new and exciting," dating coach and licensed marriage and family therapist Pella Weisman tells Bustle. "That shared excitement is a way to have both closeness and stimulation, which is a great combination for sparking things back up."


Talk To Them About It

Often the most direct answer is the best one, so don't be afraid to address the problem head-on. Obviously, you don't want to say something like, "I'm bored of you." Instead, just bring up that you feel like you are in a bit of a rut in the relationship and that you think you should both be making more of an effort. Your partner may realize they've been complacent and snap out of it.


Look At Yourself

Is there something else going on in your life? Way too often we take things out on your partners. If you're feeling restless and unhappy, it may be that you're actually feeling that way about work or your life generally — but projecting it on to your relationship.


Mix It Up In The Bedroom

“It’s important to maintain the health of the relationship and not become complacent, too comfortable, or too set in our routines...,” Ravid Yosef, dating and relationship coach at, tells Bustle. “While the fire won’t always burn as strong as it did in the beginning of your relationship, it doesn’t have to dim either. That’s when you lose interest in one another and seek outside stimulation.” Basically, physical intimacy is important. So if you feel like you're growing tired of your partner, try to reignite the fire in the bedroom. Find a new twist that works for you and it can light up your whole relationship.


Flirt More

Getting your flirt game back is like being in the beginning of a relationship all over again. “Flirt during the day while you’re at work to build up anticipation,” says Yosef. “Keep doing the things that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.”


Think Big Picture

Sometimes people do just grow in different directions. If you're finding that you're tired of your partner, you may need to consider whether the two of you are still a great fit. Sometimes a relationship doesn't end because of a huge fight, you just stop exciting each other.

If you're in a long-term relationship, you may sometimes grow tired of your partner. Don't worry, because there are plenty of ways to get the spark back. So you should be making a big effort before you consider calling it quits and, most of the time, you'll be able to remind yourself what you love about them.