I find myself talking about my nipples a lot. That sounds really strange, but when you have nipple piercings, you find yourself discussing the ups and downs of having your nipples pierced to anyone and everyone else around you that has gone through the process. From the actual act of getting them pierced to the resulting soreness and dependence on sea salt to the eventual mastery of living with the piercings: the result of my many conversations about the subject, I have found, is that everyone that has taken the plunge with nipple piercings have the exact same brags — and complaints — about the little things.
No one said having tin metal rods inserted through a very sensitive part of your body was going to be all rainbows and sunshine. I get that... but no matter what your friend who is too into yoga and green juice says, complaining does in fact feel good sometimes. So let it all out with this (very comprehensive) list of nipple piercing-related woes — and a few benefits, for good measure.
1. You were surprised by how little it hurt to have you nipples pierced.
A quick pinch, and it's over. The only pain left after it's all said and done is the embarrassment of how nervous you were in the piercing shop waiting area.
2. You only remember you have them when something bad happens.
After a while, your piercings just become part of who you are. Until, you know, that part of who you are gets snagged on your shirt and the searing pain reminds you that yes, your piercings are in fact a thing that exists.
3. You develop a whole new way to put on (and take off) clothing
Go ahead. Think about how you put on your shirt this morning and I bet you will realize that you do what my friends and I like to call the "over and out." You pull the shirt over your head, You pull your arms through it, and as you pull it down across your chest, you you hunch over and pull the shirt as far away from your nipples as the fabric allows. It might look weird, but hey, better than the painful alternative.
4. Actually, your entire wardrobe kind of revolves around your piercings.
Mesh? No. Open knits? Toss em'. Super tight tops? Forget it. You're just going to end with snagged shirts and a sore chest.
5. Your partner knows the dos and the very much don'ts of touching your piercings.
It's a fact: Nipple piercings are fun. You just can't have too much fun with them. With each new hook up comes a set of guidelines on how and how much they should touch your piercings.
6. Jewelry shopping for your piercing is way better than just normal shopping.
There's a certain kind of thrill you get when you buy new jewelry for your piercings. Maybe it's the drastic change to something you see on your body 24/7, maybe it's getting to be around display cases full of sparkly things, but nevertheless, there's a unexplainable thrill around the whole process.
7. Visiting conservative family members means the sweatshirts and flowy blouses are coming out.
What else comes out? A habit of double checking the bathroom door is locked a million times before you change to ensure no one can accidentally walk in on you and see your sparkly little secret.
8. Those fancy scented soaps and body scrubs aren't touching your chest any time soon.
Even after they're healed, your piercings just aren't as keen on that lavender-scented body scrub as you are. You learn very quickly that fancy bath products are best for the parts of your body without tiny rods of metal through them.
9. People will not shut up about how you'll "never be able to breastfeed."
First off, that is a proven lie. Secondly, even if I did, why are you assuming I want to breastfeed or even have children in the first place? Just leave me and my sparkly tits alone.
10. At the end of the day, you know none of this matters because at least you look cool.
Look, all body modifications come with drawbacks and new responsibilities. Nipple piercings, at the end of the day, are kind of as close as you can get to the perfect body mod: they look rad, they don't require too much aftercare and healing time, they're easy to cover up when needed, and once you're over them, all you have to do is take them out. Bottom line: It's all worth it.