6 Little Things That Make Dating Apps Feel Less Bleak

Over the years, I’ve deployed some creative coping mechanisms to make my experience on dating apps less frustrating. I once started messaging men with mustaches just to ask if their facial hair was performative (several of them unmatched me). For another spell, I asked everyone their most controversial opinion and got some unsettling responses. One guy told me, “Women don’t try hard enough in dating.” Oh! At the worst points, I deleted the apps altogether and started doing things like flirting on the subway. I didn’t find the love of my life there, but I did find the audacity to say “You’re exactly my type” to a curly-haired guy reading a dark academia novel in a crowd of exhausted commuters.

All this is to say I’ve tried virtually everything, with varying degrees of success and failure. So if you, too, are sick of messaging “How’s your week?” for the 57th time in a row only to be left on read, you’re in good company. However, I remain of the opinion that dating apps can be entertaining when you get a little unconventional with your approach. Embracing the absurdity of the experience will make it feel less grim.

With that spirit in mind, I scoured TikTok and interviewed the Internet’s favorite voices for their most out-of-the-box dating app tips — read on for inspo to keep swiping, even when the going gets tough.

Remember, The Apps Are Ridiculous

One of the biggest mistakes people make on dating apps is taking them too seriously. They are inherently unserious! You’re browsing through a catalog of people’s bad selfies and cringy bios as if that will actually tell you anything meaningful about their attachment style or emotional intelligence, and boiling yourself down to a few sentences and photos is an inherently awkward, impossible thing to do. Treat the process as silly, and you’ll have a better time.

“The quickest way to hate dating apps is to open Hinge like you’re conducting a nationwide search for your future spouse. Relax,” says Serena Kerrigan, author of Let’s F*cking Date. “The second you decide some guy named Matt holding a fish could be The One, you’ve already lost the plot. Dating gets infinitely more fun when every match isn’t carrying the weight of your entire romantic future.” Even if you are ultimately looking for your person, you’re more likely to make better connections when you put less pressure on each individual match.

Act A Little Unhinged

Some of my most fun interactions have occurred when I haven’t been afraid to get weird. I spent the better part of a year telling all my matches that I was working on becoming a witch — and while I did have some of them disappear on me, I also had some who picked up on the bit and matched my energy, and the joke got me a few genuinely good dates. You’ll attract more attention if you’re the sparkliest person in someone’s inbox.

“If you match with someone hot, you should message them that you’re in love with them right off the bat,” says Becca Moore, host of For the Girls podcast and self-admitted “problem” for everyone she dates. “You can quickly tell by the way they reply if they’re committed to the bit or if they suck. That way you don’t waste a cute outfit on a boring date!”

Send One-Of-A-Kind Compliments

You can also try leaving hyperspecific comments on people’s photos and prompts, just to see if anyone takes the bait. My favorite message I’ve ever received was from a guy on Hinge who said I looked like a “hot pizza delivery girl” — I was wearing a red bodysuit and hat. I matched with him just to compliment him on the line, and I’ve never forgotten him. (Hinge guy, if you’re reading this, call me.)

Skip The Small Talk

Do you want a free dinner? A tour of the city? A wedding date? A co-parent for your cat? Be up-front, even if it feels like you’re coming on strong right out the gate. The less you mess around with generic small talk, the less time you’ll waste on someone who turns out to be a dud. As Southern Hospitality’s resident single girl Mia Alario puts it, “I’m looking for a good time, not a pen pal.”

Send Them Your Number

In one viral TikTok, a creator named Caroline Mackenzie shared a tip for turning app matches into IRL dates: Jokingly pester people into asking you out. “I’ll randomly send them my number and be like, ‘Text me when you have a date planned for us.’ Once I have their number, I’ll randomly FaceTime them and see how they react,” she says.

The commenters agreed that the best move is sometimes the most forward one. “Assert dominance immediately,” one person joked. “My go-to was sending ‘Lock in,’” wrote another. Show your matches you mean business — they better make a move or move along.

Embrace “3P” Theory

You can’t avoid bizarre interactions on dating apps — they unfortunately come with the territory. What you can do is reframe them. “I have a 3P Theory. Every date gives you one of three things: potential, practice, or plot,” Kerrigan says. “Potential means you actually like them. Practice means you got better at dating, flirting, communicating, or figuring out what you want. And plot means the date was a complete disaster, but your group chat is about to have the best night of its life.”

According to Kerrigan, “The only truly unsuccessful date is one you learn absolutely nothing from.” Barring that, you got material for your own main-character storytelling moment. You may still be single, but the social capital is worth its weight in gold.