Why Even Supportive Partners Can Struggle To Understand Migraines

“My partner associates my migraines with the period of time when my pain is at its worst,” says Ann, 39. “He hasn’t fully absorbed the fact that having a migraine can be a multi-day ordeal.” She described the ritual familiar to so many migraine patients: sensing an attack coming the night before, navigating the peak day in a dark room, then moving through the dull, foggy aftermath. “Just because I’m not lying in bed doesn’t mean I’m not experiencing it,” she says.

Living with migraines demands a lot — anticipation, accommodations, planning, and recovery. Many people with migraines talk openly about guilt (for canceling social plans), frustration (when medication options don’t cooperate), and the worry that asking for help will make them seem needy or dramatic. Bring a partner into the equation, even a loving and well-intentioned one, and the emotional landscape gets more complex. Even the most supportive partners can struggle to fully grasp migraines, and that gap in understanding shapes how care, expectations, and communication play out.

Because better support usually starts with better understanding, we asked doctors and people who experience migraines to break down what’s really going on during an attack, how it affects daily life, and why it can be so hard to explain to someone you love.

When Your Pain Isn’t Something Your Partner Can See

Rachel VF Rohaidy, MD, a double board-certified psychiatrist with the Baptist Health Miami Neuroscience Institute based in Kendall, Florida, explains that migraines are “complex neurological disorders, not simply a bad headache,” affecting not just pain pathways but also “sensory processing, autonomic function, cognition, and mood.” But none of that shows on the outside, and the invisibility makes it a lot harder for people to really empathize.

We’re visual creatures. Give us a cast or a weird rash, and we instantly understand someone’s unwell. Migraines don’t make it obvious, though. The real intensity — sensory overload, dizziness, nausea, and brain fog — all happen inside, hidden from sight. So, a partner might glance over and think, “Hey, she’s okay now,” while inside, she’s still struggling through a tough moment.

When Your Partner Thinks You’re Doing “Better”

A tricky aspect of migraines is that they don’t follow a straightforward pattern. It’s helpful to recognize the different stages: the “something’s coming” feeling, the attack itself, and finally, the post-migraine hangover. The latter is when lingering cognitive symptoms like slowed processing, word-finding issues, irritability, and anxiety can stick around for days. Because the sharp pain only hits during one part of that cycle, partners often assume everything before and after it is back to normal. In reality, “residual symptoms may significantly impair functioning despite the absence of visible distress,” says Rohaidy.

“My partner will ask me to watch TV with him after dinner, and I’ll explain I can’t because I feel a migraine coming on,” says Ann. “His disappointment is obvious.” To her partner, she wasn’t in bed with the curtains drawn — the classic image of a migraine — so why not unwind with a show? However, to her brain, the pre-attack phase was already underway.

“Usually all I want are straightforward things, like automatically bringing me a migraine cold cap from the freezer or texting my mom back on my behalf so I can avoid screen time.” - Ann, 39.

Tobias Halene, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist, chief medical officer, and co-founder of NeuroSynchrony Health based in Greenwich, CT, describes migraines as temporary states in which “the brain is overloaded and struggling to regulate itself,” affecting attention, mood, sensory processing, and energy. To a partner, migraines might look like something that comes and goes. For the person experiencing it, it’s usually a continuous cycle of recovering, coping, preventing, and repeating.

When Your Partner Compares It To Their Own Headaches

Even if your partner doesn’t brush off or intentionally minimize your migraines, they might still try to relate by comparing them to their own headaches. But, a migraine isn’t just a louder headache; it’s a complex, whole-brain experience that can affect speech, energy levels, digestion, and how we process sensory information. That’s why common headache remedies like increasing water intake or sleeping more don’t suddenly eliminate the pain, which leaves partners confused and migraine sufferers feeling unseen.

Research from Frontiers in Neurology shows that when partners see migraines as “simple” pain, they often underestimate how intense they can be and how long recovery might take. Many patients reported feeling more misunderstood and less supported, emphasizing the need for a deeper understanding of all the nuances of migraines.

When Good Intentions Still Miss the Mark

Many partners show love by trying to solve the problem. The tricky part is that migraines don’t really respond to fixing. “Suggestions like ‘you can push through it,’ ‘just rest,’ or ‘take something’ imply that migraines are a matter of willpower or intervention,” says Rohaidy. They’re usually offered in a kind way, but migraine sufferers often perceive them as dismissive since they’ve probably already tried those options before.

Ann says she doesn’t need grand gestures during an attack, just small, practical ones. “Usually all I want are straightforward things, like automatically bringing me a migraine cold cap from the freezer or texting my mom back on my behalf so I can avoid screen time,” she says. What can help most is when partners treat the condition as something they’re navigating together. For Ann, that means knowing which prescription medication she takes and the appropriate dosage, how her wearable device works, or how to reach her neurologist if things escalate — without needing her to walk anyone through it mid-attack.

When Partners Aren’t Flexible About Your Triggers

Because it’s easier to prevent a migraine than stop one, a lot of migraine management is about avoiding triggers like screens, sleep disruption, stress, certain foods, or sensory overload. It’s a medical strategy, but if migraines aren’t constantly on your partner’s mind, it’s easy for them to miss why those adjustments matter.

“People with migraines have to be incredibly proactive,” says Ann, pointing to migraine glasses, dietary shifts, and less screen time as part of her daily routine. To someone without migraines, those tweaks might look restrictive or inconvenient; to someone with migraines, they’re the difference between functioning and losing a day. That same prevention mindset is also behind the canceled plans and last-minute changes that partners might not immediately connect to migraines.

Support Doesn’t Require Perfect Empathy

Your partner won't completely understand your feelings, and fortunately, they don’t need to. What actually helps is curiosity, a little literacy, and some flexibility. Ann didn’t experience migraines until adulthood, but she remembers how she once viewed them. “I thought of migraines as bad headaches,” she says. “Now I feel more compassion toward people living with invisible conditions.”

Most couples don’t need dramatic interventions; they just need better language for what’s happening. Once that’s in place, support no longer feels like guesswork.

Presented by BDG Studios