Sex & Relationships
It's the lack of boundaries for me.
How your ex spoke to you during your breakup can say a lot about them as a person. And how your ex talks to you after your breakup can say even more. If an old flame keeps blowing up your phone, these texts to send an ex who won’t stop checking in are the perfect mix of clarity and closure.
"Be honest and upfront without being cruel," Pricilla Martinez, dating and life coach, tells Bustle. "Strike a balance between being kind and firm, but be clear. If you’re leaving room for interpretation, you’re not helping them get to closure they need."
According to Martinez, answering an ex is all about honesty. In other words, if you don't actually care what they're up to or how they're doing, you don't have to make small talk. Although being direct can feel intimidating, setting clear boundaries will help you and your ex move on.
Here are seven messages to send an ex who won't stop texting you when you're ready to move on.
1
Hey, I don't want to talk right now. I'll reach out when and if I'm ready.
After a breakup, it's natural to need time to process. If you hope to be friends with your ex eventually (or be cordial), establishing that you will reach out when and if you're ready can put the ball in your court and lets you work on your own timeline.
2
I appreciate you checking in, but I don't think it's healthy for us to keep texting. I wish you all the best.
If your ex was always caring and compassionate, they might genuinely be checking in with no ulterior motives. Still, letting them know that you're not interested in texting can establish a boundary and provide you both with closure.
3
You've been reaching out a lot and it's confusing me. I want to make sure we're on the same page about expectations and intentions.
This is a diplomatic way of saying, "What the heck do you want from me?" (although you could just say that, too). If your ex is sending you cryptic texts or you have no idea why they're reaching out, ask them about their motives.
4
I want you to know that I'm seeing someone. I don't think it's appropriate for us to keep texting.
If you and your ex parted on good terms, you might want to give them a personal heads up about your new relationship. Express that you care about them, but don't feel comfortable texting.
5
I appreciate you taking accountability for everything that happened between us, but I'm still not interested in getting back together. I wish you all the best moving forward.
When your ex hits your phone with Justin Bieber's "Sorry," and you have no time for it, let them know that you're happy they're taking accountability, but not interested in anything more.
6
I'm sorry if I wasn't clear before: I don't have anything left to say to you, and I don't want to be in contact. Please respect my boundaries moving forward.
Sometimes, you have to lay down the law. If you've tried to set a boundary with an ex and they're not getting the message, being clear and concise leaves no room for misinterpretation.
7
*Nothing at all.*
"In cases where the relationship ended badly, or your ex won’t leave you alone, block them," Trina Leckie, relationship expert and host of Breakup BOOST podcast, tells Bustle. "That way, you won’t constantly be wondering if you are going to hear from them." If you've tried to establish a boundary or have no interest in further engaging with your ex, there's no shame in not replying to their messages or blocking their number. Sometimes, silence is the loudest message of all.
Sources:
Trina Leckie, relationship expert and host of Breakup BOOST podcast
Pricilla Martinez, dating and life coach
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