Cool Girls Carry Condoms

Three years ago, Sarah, 31, was on a first date with a guy from a dating app. Twenty minutes into making out, he told her he didn’t have a condom but would still love to hook up. “Whatever you’re comfortable with,” he said. She always used protection, but felt swept away in the heat of the moment. “I was like, sure, it’s fine,” she says.

The next morning, she woke up anxious. “I could’ve gotten an STI from that. I didn’t know him, I didn’t trust him,” she says. She also felt resentful over what could’ve been an otherwise fun night because if he hadn’t waited until the last minute to tell her, she might have made a different choice.

That experience — combined with a mild latex allergy she discovered in her late 20s — prompted her to start carrying her own. Sarah’s just one of many Gen Z and millennial women who are taking control of how they have sex by carrying condoms instead of relying on partners to have them.

Recently, there’s been online chatter about condoms “killing the mood,” with one influencer claiming they’re like a “rubber ducky entering” your body. Unfortunately, a concerning number of people are on the same wavelength. “Gen Z is far less likely to use condoms, particularly Gen Z men as compared to Gen Z women,” says Greg Millett, vice president and director of public policy at amfAR, an AIDS research organization.

The thing is, when used correctly, condoms are a 90% effective way to prevent STIs, a 98% effective way to prevent unplanned pregnancy, and the only method of contraception that can do both. Like your skin care routine or weekly therapy sessions, putting your sexual wellness first is just another kind of self-care. Take it from the women with fun sex lives who carry and use condoms on the reg — protecting yourself is actually really hot.

Condoms Can Be Steamy, Not Sterile

Contrary to popular belief that condoms “ruin the vibe” or “kill the moment,” think about it this way: anticipation makes everything better, like waking up on the morning of the birthday party you’ve been planning for weeks, or the feeling you get leaving Drybar before a big vacation — you know what’s coming, and you know it’s going to be good.

“After my last long-term relationship ended, I was initially kind of bummed about going back to using condoms with flings,” says Vivian*, 32. “But then I realized that moment of anticipation is actually really tantalizing — you're both naked on the bed, very aware of what's about to happen, waiting for the green light to pounce. It ratchets up the sexual tension."

Lauren*, 32, started carrying her own condoms after she began exploring open relationships, and says her partners have been mostly unfazed. “I’ve never had anyone balk at that. I like to tie it into a little dirty talk,” she says. “You can have fun with it — it doesn’t need to be so sterile!”

She likes to throw a couple in her purse in a little pouch alongside things that make her feel sexy, like a red lipstick or a sampler of her favorite perfume. “It might be silly, but it’s subconsciously helped me to associate carrying condoms as equally sexy,” she says. (She’s not the only one to associate beauty products with protection; 100% of the proceeds from MAC’s Viva Glam lipstick collection, for example, go to AIDS foundations, as well as organizations advancing sexual, gender, racial, and environmental equality.)

She also finds it hot to be ready whenever and wherever the mood strikes. “I have a bit of a kink for public play, mostly in bar bathrooms, so it’s really exciting and fun to be able to give into that craving in a safe manner,” Lauren says.

You’re In The Driver’s Seat

In addition to being teasingly sexy, carrying condoms can also be an empowering act of sexual freedom and agency. That, in and of itself, is also undoubtedly hot. “I’ve found it to be quite liberating,” says Katie*, 34, who started carrying condoms in college after joining a sexual health and assault peer education group following a sexual assault her freshman year. “Growing up, I was taught that it was a guy’s responsibility to have condoms and that he should know how to put it on, but there can be something very powerful about being the one to take charge, and making it a sexy moment to put it on for him. That confidence is hot. Anyone who’s worthy of your time will react positively to that.”

Control isn’t just practical — it’s also pleasurable. “There seems to be this idea that men should just provide condoms, but why wouldn’t I want to be in charge of that?” says Natasha, 32, who packs condoms in her purse before a date and keeps a stash in her nightstand. “I don’t want to rely on any man to be fully responsible for that.”

I get the ick majorly when a man puts up resistance to the idea of wearing a condom.

Being in control can actually be the key to turning meh sex into amazing sex. Katie says the whole “sex feels better without a condom” bit is, frankly, “bullsh*t” — especially given the fact that there are so many different types of condoms on the market now. Not only can you make a hot moment out of putting one on, but carrying them yourself can also give you the peace of mind to help your body physically relax and enjoy the experience. You’re giving yourself the gift of pleasure without any of the consequences of unprotected sex — everyone wins.

And if you encounter a person who doesn’t want to wear one, feel free to do a little education work, or simply say “thank you, next.” Sarah says, “I get the ick majorly when a man puts up resistance to the idea of wearing a condom. That is irresponsible and does not inspire confidence that you are a considerate human being. Please leave my bedroom and also my life.”

*Name has been changed.