6 Reasons Why August Is The Worst Month Ever

Is anyone else sick of August yet, or just me? I mean, I'm so sick of August that it's not even August and I'm over it. August is one of two offensively unbearable months in the year, the other being February. February is ridiculous because it's so cold it feels like your face is going to fall off, and time slows down to the point that it feels like the apocalyptic winter might last forever. August is the exact opposite. It's so hot you feel like your face is going to melt off, and so slow that it feels like the apocalyptic summer will last forever.

August is just terrible. I'm actually escaping to Australia to have some of that 60 degree winter. Likewise, I'll be planning my February escape in kind. August is more than just a "blah" month (like March or May); it's an entirely awful month that has no business being on the calendar. Sure, it's part of "summer", and summer is great, except that summer can't even save August from being horrendously unbearable. So now you're going to join me in being a complainy complainerson while complaining about the complain-inducing month that is August. Here are 6 reasons why August is the worst month and we should just be done with it already:

1. Nothing exciting happens in August

I don't know about you, but all my friends' birthdays seem to be either in June/July or October/November. August has no special days. There are no great holidays like Easter or Halloween. There's nothing to look forward to. It's just 31 days of of nothingness.

2. The oppressive humidity

I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if you could actually swim through the air, and not just feel like you were swimming through the air. August is the most humid, oppressive summer month, and you're always wet, and it feels like there's something in the air that makes breathing harder (and there is, it's moisture). Being outside is awful, as is being anywhere without air conditioning.

3. The comedown from July

July is a fun month. It's when summer really kicks in, and it's all grilling with friends, going to the beach, and drinking on rooftops at sunset. But by the time August rolls around, everyone is tired, the fun has finally caught up, and the heat starts weighing down on having more fun times. As things start to become lethargic, the nostalgia sets in and July leaves you with a hangover that was totally worth it, but still difficult to ride out.

4. Constantly sweating

August should be remained "YOU WILL BE CONSTANTLY WET." And not in a horny sex way, in a disgusting, uncomfortable, sweaty B.O. way.

5. Everyone starts talking about Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Year's plans

The anticipation for August to be over is palpable. Everyone starts looking forward to the cooler air of September and that labor day weekend, the start of the football season, Halloween in October, Thanksgiving in November and Christmas and New Year's in December. Coming up with glorious, amazing-sounding plans for these months is full of excitement and whimsy, but it's all peppered with the anxiety of still having to get through August before life can get REALLY good again.

6. The buying of fall clothes but inability to wear them

Stores start releasing their fall lines mid to late July. Which means we start buying delicious fall clothes two months (or more, depending how heavy the clothing) before we can reasonably expect to wear them. It's actually torture to have to look at beautiful new coats hanging in your wardrobe, knowing that if you tried to wear it you sweat right through it, melt, and turn into a puddle forever.

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