We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: how to use nipple play to make sex better.
Q: I really enjoy having my nipples played with. I’ve also heard you can orgasm from nipple play, and I’m curious to learn how I can do that. My partner does the usual things — kissing them, caressing them, but what are some ideas for stimulating my nipples that we might not have heard of?
A: Thanks for the great question! It’s not every day that I get to share detailed instructions for nipple play — and that's a shame, because the nipples are an often-overlooked source of pleasure for men and women alike. Here are nine ways to play with yours (though they should also work for playing with your partner's as well, whether they're male or female).
Bringing in some teeth is the easiest way to take your nipple play to the next level. Ask your partner to gently bite your nipple between their front teeth, then increase the pressure very, very slowly. Tell your partner when the pressure gets too intense. That will help you both learn what your limits are. Next, try to find the exact amount of pressure that feels best for you.
Have your partner pinch your nipple with their thumb and pointer fingers, and slowly twist. Again, let your partner know when the pressure gets to be too intense.
If your nipples like gentle play, try having your partner give them a luxurious massage. Use your favorite massage oil (or try coconut oil) to make things nice and slippery. You can even use a few drops of your favorite silicone-based lube for an extra-slick massage.
Try using a massage oil candle to add a little additional stimulation to your massage. The flame melts the hard wax down into warm oil that can be spread all over your body. You can have your partner drizzle the heated oil over your breasts. If you’re afraid of the oil being too hot, have your partner put it into their hands first, then apply to your breasts.
There are so many fun toys out there that you can use on your breasts! I love this LELO suede whip. The individual strands are soft, so your partner can glide them over your nipples for a gentle tickling sensation. Or you can have your partner give the whip a good flick for a more intense, stinging experience. LELO also makes this feather teaser, which you can brush against your nipples. Try alternating between this soft toy and some firm pinching or twisting.
Vibrator usage isn’t limited to between your legs! You can use your favorite vibrator against your nipples for some extra-buzzy stimulation. Try it out on the lowest setting first, then work your way up. Trace the vibrator in circles all around your breasts. Any vibrator will do, but this JimmyJane number is specifically designed to be used on your nipples.
If you like a pinching sensation on your nipples, you can try playing around with nipple clamps. As the name implies, these toys clamp down on your nipples. They can heighten your nipple sensitivity while they’re on (great for women whose nipples aren’t particularly sensitive to begin wtih), and can create a hurts-so-good sensation when removed.
Check out this gorgeous feathered pair, which are a nice introduction to clamps. This more advanced pair come with a weighted chain that creates even more of a heavy, pulling sensation. You or your partner can give the chain a good tug to really get you going. Or try combining vibration with pinching, and give these vibrating clamps a whirl.
If your partner hasn’t already tried sucking on your nipples with their mouth, you should definitely give that a shot! If you like the sucking sensation, look into buying nipple suckers. These tiny toys can be placed right over your nipples and left for as long as you want. Like nipple clamps, nipple suckers are a great way to get some additional nipple stimulation while you’re doing other activities with your partner.
If you’re looking to up the intensity even more, check out a pinwheel sex toy. The sharp teeth deliver a sensation that’s entirely unique. Yes, it’s painful, so you have to be interested in or curious about pain. Try it out on your sensitive forearm skin to see if it might be a good addition to your toy chest. Be extremely delicate at first until you get a sense of how much your nipples can take.
Having A Nipple Orgasm
Let’s round this one out with a quick discussion of nipple orgasms. Yes, they do exist! We don’t have any specific numbers on how many women are able to orgasm from nipple stimulation, but there are plenty of anecdotal stories floating around on the Internet. There’s no way to know whether or not you’ll be able to have a nipple orgasm beforehand, so the best thing to do is just listen to what feels good for your body and keep doing that (just as you should for any other orgasm).
Have your partner keep stimulating your nipples for as long as they feel good. You can try incorporating nipple play into other activities too. Stroke your nipples while you’re receiving oral. Have your partner touch them while you’re having intercourse (woman on top is a good position for your partner to reach up). Give those nipples some love, and see what happens!
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