Have you ever wondered which of the 50 states has residents with the biggest penises? I thought so. Well wonder no more! Condom company Condomania, which makes condoms in a wide array of sizes (their website shows 17), have taken on the long, hard task of keeping track of their sales throughout the great United States and compiling the data to rank states according penis size.
The results are not quite what you'd expect, either. For one thing, I clearly have not been spending enough time in the Dakotas. For another, our smallest state seems to have our second largest penises, so don't judge a book by its cover. Or something. Washington D.C., on the other hand, is so full of dicks that a spot on the top ten was almost assured.
Yet who would have expected Alaska, our nation's biggest state, to be so...unimpressive, all the way down at number 46? Is this a shrinkage issue? And in 42nd place, it looks like not everything is bigger in Texas. I always knew those giant hats had to be compensating for something. And then, even though 16 is a perfectly respectable ranking, Florida's shape had us expecting something more.
But at least it's not poor, belittled Mississippi. What is going on down south, Mississippi? Cause it would seem not much...
This year's full rankings are here. Use them wisely in planning trips or picking a place to settle down.
1. North Dakota
2. Rhode Island
3. South Dakota
4. District of Columbia
9. New York
10. South Carolina
14. New Jersey
23. New Mexico
37. New Hampshire
44. West Virginia
47. North Carolina
(No, you didn't miss any major geographical news — Washington D.C. makes it a 51-part list.)