'Empire' Insults To Help You Channel Cookie Lyon & Take Down Your Enemies Like A Queen
The worst thing in the world is having a disagreement with someone, and then being unable to think of a comeback for hours or even days later. Empire's Cookie Lyon has never had that issue. The Lyon matriarch is extremely quick on her feet, and so witty that her comebacks and retorts seem effortless. (It's like she keeps them logged and categorized in her head for future reference.) The thing that makes her such an amazing character is her willingness to always tell the truth, no matter how it affects those around her. I’m certainly not brave enough to always express everything that I’m thinking, so Cookie should be commended. Though Cookie can be brash and bold, she doesn’t intentionally insult people unless she is provoked, so you'd better keep that in mind before you insult people like Cookie Lyon would.
The thing I admire most about Cookie is the fact that she doesn’t believe in playing nice just for the sake of it. She’s a woman who never thinks she’s being presumptuous, because she realizes that her thoughts and opinions are valid. She also doesn’t accept just any type of treatment. She’s not afraid to speak out when someone has wronged her, no matter what it may cost her. The characters of Empire have had to learn the hard way not to come for Cookie, because she will certainly send them back where they came from. We could all learn something from Empire’s Queen.
Here are some tips on how to craft the perfect zingers to knock your enemies down a peg or two, Cookie Lyon style.
Provide A Nickname
"Boo-Boo Kitty, just 'cause I asked Jesus to forgive you, don't mean I do."
I still don't even know what Boo-Boo Kitty means, but Anika's face was priceless.
Use Halle Berry As Shade
"Get rid of fake-ass Halle Berry. As long as she's around, I'm closed for business.”
I don't even known how you begin to use someone as flawless as Halle Berry in your insults, but this just proves Cookie Lyon's comebacks are not for amateurs.
Remind People To Stay In Their Lanes
"The Lucious Lyon I knew would tell those idiots the streets ain't made for everybody — that's why they made sidewalks."
If we all just stayed in our respective lanes, then there would be no need for insults.
"Oh, I get it. So Yoko Ono here wants to play on the song, too. Well, what can you do, Yoko — can you play the tambourine?"
Cookie definitely knows her music history, and she's certainly not going to let what happened to the Beatles happen to her sons.
Give An Ultimatum
"If you want Cookie's nookie, ditch the b*tch."
I'm not sure how much more clear you can get with this one.
Tell Them Who You Are
"You messing with the wrong b*tch."
Tell, and then show, people who you are. They better recognize.
Reflect On the Good Old Days
"I liked you better when you was a thug."
Change isn't always good.
"God, please do not withhold your blessings, even from hoes that hire skanks to spy on me."
Remind people that, even though they've done you wrong, you're still a good person.
Throw A Shoe
"Porsha, get my damn shoe!"
I'm not saying you should hit anyone, but actions often speak louder than words.
Remind Others That We're All Equal
"What you mean by 'you people'? You Black like me."
When someone tries to insult you by using prejudice, remind them of all the ways that they're just the same as you.
Make The Shade Very Clear
"No more rude than that anchorwoman haircut you slap on your head."
We all have faults, but don't ever let someone get away with belittling you.
Reinvent The 'Yo Mama' Insults
"[I'm] someone who would have never gave birth to your ugly ass."
I'd never recommend insulting someone's mother, but Cookie has perfected a roundabout way to do so.
Cookie Lyon is certainly not the most politically correct character on Empire, but she definitely knows her value. If you don't learn anything else from the fast talking vixen, then you should at least learn how to speak up for yourself. Only you can define who you are.
The second season of Empire premieres on Fox on Sep. 23.