The Lisa Vanderpump & Giggy Pre-‘Bella New York’ Magazine White Party Gift Exchange: The Fanfiction

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 14: Lisa Vanderpump's dog Giggy attends Beverly Center's Holiday Pet Portraits Debut at The Beverly Center on November 14, 2013 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Mike Windle/Getty Images for The Beverly Center)
Source: Mike Windle/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

When Lisa Vanderpump and Giggy the Pom are on the cover of your magazine, what do you do? Throw an elegant bash, of course. Saturday, Bella New York magazine hosted its annual White Party in the Hamptons, and the Queen of SUR was the belle-ah of the ball. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star celebrated the issue's launch with husband Ken Todd and canine sidekick Giggy. Oh, and you better believe the Vanderpump-Todds weren't the only Bravolebrities in attendance: Lisa Rinna, Kyle Richards, Eileen Davidson, Jill Zarin, Aviva Drescher, Dorinda Medley, and LuAnn De Lesseps all showed up to Bella's soirée in their finest white ensembles (hope everyone remembered to pack their Tide To Go pens, am I right?).

As I sifted through the photos from the evening, something happened: I felt the urge to write a fictional tale from Giggy's point of view (aka my favorite pastime). So, I did just that.

Hats Off To Giggy

“Gigolo, are you ready for the Hamptons?” Lisa asked as our limo pulled away from Villa Rosa. I’ve never been a fan of flying, but Lisa knows I'll perk up any time I hear the word “Hamptons.” It’s my favorite place to visit, no contest. I stuck my tongue out at her in approval. 

“I'm so relieved we're taking a private jet. Could you imagine if we had to put Giggy in one of those dog carriers for the flight?” Ken asked as he patted me on the head gingerly. "He'd panic! I'd panic! You'd panic!"

“Nothing but the best for my darling. Now, Giggy, I was going to give you this when we landed in New York, but I can’t wait another moment,” she said as she grabbed a beautifully wrapped gift bag. Ken nodded in agreement. Lisa removed a lilac velour pouch from the bag. She unzipped the pouch and removed a me-sized cream-colored suit. 

And then I saw the collar. I LOVE A GOOD COLLAR. It was the outfit of my dreams. How did she know? I stared at Lisa.

“I believe you’ll look positively radiant, Gigster,” Lisa said. “Only the best for my magazine cover companion. Do you love it?”

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I began to shake. Not only could I not wait to wear that stunning suit, but I was chomping at the proverbial bit to give Lisa the gift I’d picked out of her. I squirmed out of Ken’s arms and ran to the other side of the limo. I stopped in front of the row of seats behind the partition.

“Get back here, Giggy!” Ken shouted as he scrambled after me. Before he could scoop me up, I nudged at a parcel wrapped in brown parchment paper tucked next to one of the seats. I bit the hot pink ribbon tied around the gift. I tried to yank the whole thing out to the middle of the limo, but it was to no avail. If only I had the strength to carry this present by myself, I thought

“What have you got there, Gigs?” Ken asked as he picked me up. “I don’t remember bringing a beautifully wrapped hat box-shaped present.” He sat down next to the parcel. “Lisa, do you know what this is?” 

“I just assumed it was a surprise for me,” Lisa laughed. “Is it not?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what it is,” Ken replied. And then, he noticed it: someone had scrawled a note on the wrapping paper in green crayon. That someone was me. Some of the letters were backwards, some of the letters were significantly larger than the others, and all of the letters very squiggly. The message read:

DEER LISA 
YUR MY BEST FRED THNKZ 4 ASKING ME TO BE ON THE MAGZEEN
LUV GIGGY 

“It looks like a child wrote this,” Ken said after he read the message aloud. “Did one of our friends’ kids sneak this into our limo?” 

I began to snarl and whine. 

"Fred... Fred... Do we know a Fred?" Ken wondered aloud. 

When I tried to bark as loud as I could, I wound up sneezing. I've never been much at the whole barking thing. 

“Wait, is the Sex Monster trying to tell us something?” Lisa asked. I stuck out my tongue. I wriggled my way out of the crook of Ken’s arm again and scurried over to the bar. I pawed around underneath the bar until I found it: the green crayon. I picked up the crayon with my teeth and brought it to Ken.

“I don't believe it!” Lisa exclaimed. "The 'magzeen'! The green crayon! Giggy, did you write that message?" 

I stuck out my tongue.

"Giggy, did you bring me a present?"

I stuck out my tongue.

"Well let's see it, then!"

Ken carried both me and the hat box-shaped box over to Lisa. I sat down next to her. As Lisa untied the ribbon and unwrapped the gift, she carefully tore off the part where I’d written the note. “I’m going to save that love letter forever, Giggy,” she said, smiling at me. I stuck out my tongue. She removed the lid of the hat box-shaped box. She gasped.

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“GIGOLO. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!” Lisa reached into the hat box-shaped box and pulled out a white sunhat “It’s beautiful. Stunning. Thank you, so much, you gorgeous beast, you! Oh, just look at the appliqué! Why, it matches my dress perfectly! Giggy, did you pick this out for the party?"

I stuck out my tongue.

"Where did you find it? How did you order it? How did you pay for it? How did you gift wrap it and—"

I let out another meek sneeze.

“I suppose a magician never shares his secrets,” mused Lisa. 

THE END.

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