8 Hilarious Stephen Colbert Quotes On Donald Trump That Will Get You Pumped For His 'Late Show' Debut
Stephen Colbert has spent much of his career poking fun of American politics, and now that the country is facing one of its most comical elections in recent decades, he clearly misses having his own nightly television show to comment on it. On Monday, Colbert spoke about The Late Show and Donald Trump. The premiere date for Colbert's Late Show — Sept. 8 — is approaching, but until then, the comedian remains somewhat sidelined from commenting on the election. And one figure is just begging for a Colbert quip: Donald Trump.
“Every night before I go to bed, I light a candle and pray that he stays in the race, and I also pray that no one puts that candle anywhere near his hair,” Colbert said at a Television Critics Association press event.
Viewers can probably expect the former host of The Colbert Report to go a few rounds with Trump once his new show hits airwaves. Unfortunately, they — and the satirical Stephen himself — will have to wait. “I want to get in front of the audience and hear the laughter,” he said. “The emotion I have right now, it’s not anxiety over doing the show. It’s anxiety of the eagerness to get onstage.”
The good news is that Colbert has some past jokes on The Donald that can get us through until September. Here are eight moments when Trump was the target of Colbert's mockery:
On The Announcement
Colbert posted a video of himself impersonating Trump as he announced his candidacy. The comedian sported a comb over, rambled on in Trump-like fashion, and stood behind a sign that read, "Colbert — Shut up, Dummy!" He said, "This will be the finest, most luxurious gold-plated, diamond-encrusted campaign that will give hope to a weary nation, until together we reach that fine fall day when the new season of Celebrity Apprentice premieres."
On Newt Gingrich
Colbert and I would really like to see what that meeting looked like. I imagine a lot of yelling and bad hair.
On Mike Huckabee
In 2012, Mike Huckabee decided not to run for president, and Trump supported him, saying that Huckabee had a lot going for him at the time, such as his Fox News show and his new house in Florida. Colbert commented on this with a new fake line of greeting cards that said, "I am sorry for your loss — That new brick patio is something else. Really terrific stuff."
I'm with you, Stephen. No matter how many stories I write, I never get his attention either.
On A Third Party
Colbert is always funny, but he's pretty astute here. He always knows what's really going on.
On A Special Offer
On an episode of The Colbert Report, Colbert offered to give $1 million to Trump's favorite charity, saying, "Anything. Save the Children. Feed the Children. Put the children on Child Apprentice." This offer wasn't free, though, and I think the price was a little too high, even for a Trump.
On Global Warming
Colbert sarcastically claimed on his show that science says that if it's cold, global warming doesn't exist. He said "noted climatologist Donald Trump" agreed because he tweeted that global warming is expensive bullshit. "If there's one thing Trump knows, it's expensive bullshit," Colbert added.
On The Future
This 2011 tweet reads incredibly ominously today. Colbert had no idea what comedic gold was ahead.